We all of us at some time or another contemplate our death. Many times, usually. When you are well and busy, you think little of these things, but when people you are close to die, and as you get older and illnesses pile up one on top of the other and in the end stubbornly refuse to yield their grip, you start getting more serious about it. There are preparations to be made, things to be put in order before one leaves.

Several decades ago I received a strong conviction that I would die when I was 60. The years fled and before I knew it, 2014 arrived. And I panicked. I panicked because there was so much undone. There were souls to be won, family members to be saved and a successor to the ministry to be found, and my large website to be finished which I have always believed was of the greatest importance in preparing the last generation.

So when I turned 60 and realised how far away I was from these goals, and how much time I had wasted through procrastination and various distractions, I begged Father to give me more time, remembering (as I think most of us do) how Yahweh gave King Hezekiah of Judah an extra 15 years (2 Ki.20:1-11; Is.38:1-22; 2 Chron.32:24-26). King Hezekiah had made poor decisions and wrong choices, and regretted them. He pled with tears for more time and Yahweh in His mercy gave those years to him.

I did the same. At 60 I still had children not fully grown up and I begged Father to give me time to see them come to adulthood and to be established in their professions and ministerial callings. I don't remember asking for a particular number of years, I just new that I needed many. Hezekiah got 15 which I guess I thought was the maximum I might be permitted.

I have had chronic illness most of my life, starting with Calcific Tendonitis (which miraculously healed a short while after my first marriage came to an end and I relocated from the UK to Norway) only to get Fibromyalgia (FM) which was not a recognised medical condition when I was first diagnosed with it. The first doctor I took my symptoms to for a diagnosis thought I was making it up and just trying to get off work and refused to extend my sick leave. I changed doctors. The second doctor misdiagnosed me and put me on antidepressants which made me even iller. My personality changed so dramatically even after just a few days that my own family didn't recognise me. I quit the antidepreddants. Finally, my third doctor (or maybe he was my fourth...I changed them so many times until someone would believe me) finally recognised my condition and various therapies and medications were prescribed. None of them worked.

They still don't know what FM is or even how it starts or how it can be cured. I have friends in similar predicaments. I saw the leading specialist in Scandinavia and was assigned a string of doctors who were supposedly 'experts' in my local area, without result. Some admitted they had no idea what they were dealing with. As a result my FM got worse and worse until it became chronic, made suddenly twice as bad when another medical time bomb exploded in my face...in two phases.

The 'time bomb', a genetic condition, eventually explained some of the symptoms, and required radical heart surgery with a 12 per cent risk of not surviving, higher because of an immune system already weakened by FM. On 22 January 2019 I was admitted for into Örebro Hospital in Sweden for heart surgery which, whilst it saved my life, was a traumatic experience requiring 6 months convalescence. The patient next to me, whom I befriended, was not so fortunate - he didn't make it. It was as a result of that my FM became chronic.

So for a while I was much better but it was not to last. I was hospitalised many times with other medical conditions including gallstone issues, neuropathy and sciatica. My heart, which had increased in size on the side where the malfuntioning value was located, was so weakened from all the stress caused by an abnormal valve, started giving way. Two years after my first operation and recovery my rapidly failing heart required that I be admitted to another hospital for a second, much simpler, operation - a pacemaker insertion on 10 May 2021. That was four years ago; and though this also saved my life it was by now obvious that 'the writing was writ large on the wall' as my health began an accelerated decline.

It is not fun being aware of one's own mortality. My Father lived to be about 80 and my mother nearly made it to be 100. It hasn't helped leading a very, very stressful life with so much opposition to my beliefs and messianic, patriarchal way of life, and numerous attempts to destroy my reputation, get me put in prison, expelled from the country and even killed. The world is not kind to those who push back with the truth with family invariably being the greatest cause of grief, as Yah'shua (Jesus) prophesied (Mt.10:35-36). But I have pressed on regardless, my life's mission and family being my main driving forces, and with the knowledge that I am 'just passing through' this sphere of existence. This last year I have had to take things very quietly though that's not always been possible.

I have had so many warnings from Yahweh about my health over the years, most of which I have never spoken about. Each time they were given I found that I had less time than I had supposed. Time does not wait for us. These warnings have multipled as I have approached my end, particularly this year in early 2025, and are too numerous to describe here. They have usually been in the form of visions.

It wasn't until 25 January 2025 that I realised my time was almost over. That morning Father showed me a vision of a black disk - two disks, to be precise - a smaller one of maybe a third of the diameter which lay on top of the larger one. Arranged vertically like spokes close to the edge of the larger disk were, I would estimate, 10 thin, equidistant, wire-like spokes, and on the top of each was a 'head' rather like the combustible part of a matchstick. The smaller ring only had three of these spokes.

One after the other on the outer rim, the heads of the 'spokes' ignited and shone brightly like sparklers. As the next one ignited, the one before it quickly burned out, fell 90 degrees flat and was lifeless. This repeated around the entire edge of the larger disk until all had ignited, burned out and fallen down flat. And then the first of the three on the edge of the inner disk suddenly ignited and the vision ended. Instantly I knew the meaning of the vision.

The 10 wire-like 'matches' represented 10 years which recently ended, 10 extra 'slim' or precarious years granted to me during which I burned out most of my bodily resources and had two operations. The last of the three has begun and way well soon be at an end, but do these represent years, months or weeks? I don't know. Either way, I panicked because there was still so much to do and I was by then too ill to do much of anything. As I write this, I am focussed on getting everything practically straightened out in case I only have a couple of weeks or months left. There are times when both feel highly probable.

On 2 February 2025 I was awakened at 2 a.m. and saw a vision which alarmed me. I was in the air above my bed in my bedroom. The bed was unoccupied. To my left was my bedside table. Arranged at right-angles to my bed, on the table, was an brand new coffin...'ready', as it were. There have been some very scary 'near misses' with death over the last few weeks in which I have experienced the life force draining out of me and being helpless to do anything about it except to wait and pray in hope of rescue. It's quite unlike fainting or passing out - it's more like a vacuum is sucking the life out of you in your chest. I had seen a coffin-vision some months before which I had equally not liked, but this time the coffin - or rather, three of them - were arranged side by side in the alcove where my bedroom window sits and where I have my upstairs work desk. That too was a stark warning but assumed there was still some time left.

The most recent vision (9 January 2025) came in responce to my asking Father why I felt so ill and weak a particular morning. First he showed me in vision a variation of a vision I have seen dozens of times before, namely, concentric circles moving out from a central point on the surface of a still pond only on this occasion there were two differences: (1) some of the waves were broken up and weak, and (2) there were several energy emitting points that were interacting with each other and some of these waves were either weak or broken. Finally, he opened up a very vivid vision of a golden sphere and within the sphere there were several smaller ones rather like bubbles. Each sphere was divided up into two sections, a bit like a pie-chard, with one part s sickly green colour and the rest golden. Moreover, the ugly green areas were in all cases over half the area of each spherelet, some as much as 80 per cent. Again I knew what this meant instantly - these were all organ systems within my body and all were failing, some more than others. This was the explanation as to why I was having so many different symptoms which even by doctor could not unravel, medications poisoning the liver for one thing. It was a horrible revelation but at least I now knew what was going on.

There have been, to be sure, comforting visions inbetween. The one of the pearl under the showerhead assured me that my Kingdom work (the pearl) had not been in vain in spite of my frustration in having to take the website down off the internet for nearly a year because of hackers and image copyright issues. (I have made the entire website available on a flashdrive for anyone who would like one - click here to order one). I have not been well enough to begin that gargantuan task and was hoping some way would be found to make this task easier. Other visions about an orchard whose trees were covered in apples, and then showers of apples descended from heaven completly carpeting the orchard floor, plus a recent apple vision showing that the penultimate phase's work was complete (7) and the the work for the final generation was just beginning (1). In regard to the latter, I have so much to share about what I have been shown about the New Jerusalem/Holy City which I doubt I will be able to accomplish without a miracle and some supernatural healing. At least the Twelfth Book of Abraham is more or less done, which I was not expecting to complete, let alone start.

About all I have managed is to make regular ex tempore videos and maybe a dozen or so short articles culled from things I have written on Facebook which may be found in the New Articles register for the period of time in question. I have noticed many times that when I have been writing articles for this Work that I have enjoyed a strengthening influx of the Ruach haQodesh (Holy Spirit) provided I don't overdo it. Because it's what Father wanted doing, He blesses. The key, as ever is willing obedience to His will and not ours.

It has been an extraordinarily strange time this last year to be sure. As I have got iller and weaker, the veil between sleep and wakefulness has become very blurred. I have become aware not only on this physical plane but also the spiritual - simultaneously - and at times seem to move between the two effortlessly. This is both interesting and very uncomfortable because one senses death lurking nearby much of the time.

Only this morning I was with someone I knew who has passed on and was aware of the spiritual sensation of 'touching' their spirit - their arm to be exact. It was like super-smooth marble and yet not solid - perfectly white and flawless unlike our physical skin. And it was of extraordinarily beauty. I was experiencing that person in their spirit - spirit-to-spirit. It was an amazing experience. Perceptions are a little different to the way we experience them in our physical bodies.

The spirit world, where we await our physical resurrection back to earth in the Millennium, is a place I have become familiar with over the years. I have seen the dead many times, contrary to the claims of the 'soul-sleepers' that this is impossible and must therefore be counterfeit. They believe we cease to exist once we die physically. I know that to be false. Why? Because I have been there many hundreds of times (and, yes, I have always 'tested' my experiences in the Name of Yah'shua/Jesus and carefully done my theological homework). I also know that the resurrection is not getting our spirits, 'recreated', back again ex nihilo, because they are indestructable. In the resurrection, physicality is not only returned to us but this time it is fully integrated with our spirits, making both aspects 'spiritual' (for now the flesh is carnal). We'll be walking the earth again...if we made the right decision to believe in Christ's physical resurrection and if we have walked in obedeience to His mitzvot (commandments) and will for our lives.

On 6 January 2025 I said my 'farewells' online in case I don't get the chance to do so again as I am very ill getting weaker by the day as I write this and having to deal with the ordeal of flooding caused by the terrible weather we have recently had. I am currently rushing to get things done...there's so much to do. I do not know if I shall recover this time, hence this explanatory article. If Yahweh grants me more time and strength, I will be back, but in case He does not, this must suffice as my parting message.

Many times these last few days in moments of fear and worry on wrapping up everything Father has spoken very clearly, succuinctly and with great kindness. Many times I have felt like a lost child, powerless before encroaching death. "Come with Me," He said one morning when I I asked Him for direction. "Follow me," He said again when I told Him I didn't understand. Then panic ensued, and again He said, "Take My hand" and I realised it was Yah'shua (Jesus) now speaking. Then this great shalom or peace fell on me and great stillness reined in my heart. He spoke comforting words as I related the many trials and tribulations of my life, telling Him that the pain was too much to bear. I wept. "I know," He replied with understanding.

A little while later as my mind wandered through the years and I considered all the people I knew or knew of. When you can't do very much physically many thoughts and emotions surface. I saw the courage and love of so many who wore so many different denominational labels, but Yahweh did not see these, only their hearts. When you are dying the irrelevant things just slip away and are seen for what they are - distractions. What a lot of time was waste, not underdtanding how rpecious the time we have is. Father sees what heart-love it is that drives us, not our intricate theologies and certainly not our disputes. Not that theology is unimportant but it isn't the 'main thing'. Life is. A life lived in His love. I looked on this scene of people and I heard Him speak again, "I am here." Yes, He is here. He is with those who truly love Him and who love others. He is very real indeed, present in out time of need. "Where are we going to go now?" I asked Him, thinking of my family in particular. He spoke but one word. "Home." Yes, home is the main thing - with Him and with our families. He's given me that reply so many times over recent months.

I am very grateful for all the kind and affirming words of love that my many friends have sent me. Thank you for all your kindnesses over the years and an special blessing to those who stood by me in difficult times. These too have been a great comfort and also to learn that one has made a difference. It is all too easy to think one has been a failure. I love and cherish the many friendships I have made both online and offline. It has been a privilege knowing you. I do not know how much time I have left. Once I have got my affairs in order I hope to be able to spend a little more time online. If not, then may the grace of our Master Yah'shua the Messiah (Jesus Christ) be with you all until we meet again. Amen.

Comments from Readers

[1] "Farewell, Friend. Until we meet again in Paradise" (SG, USA, 6 February 2025)
[2] "Never Goodbye. Till we meet again" (JT, USA, 6 February 2025)
[3] "Brother Christopher, your life has been well lived! Your recorded and written messages will leave a legacy and ministry till the return of Yahshua haMashiach! Rest well until we meet again! Isaiah ch 35! Onward and upward to Tyzion! Shalom Alechem! (P.S.) We'll have the piano tunes you played on FB videos!" (VH, Canada, 6 February 2025)
[4] "Oh no!! We will miss you, dear brother we love you!!" (LM, USA, 6 February 2025)
[5] "Well done, good and faithful servant" (TH, USA, 6 February 2025)
[6] "I'll never say goodbye...just for now. Rest in the arms of our Lord. I will miss your wise council" (DH, USA, 6 February 2025)
[7] "Till we meet again my friend" (MFG, USA, 6 February 2025)
[8] "Will see you in the Kingdom, partner" (RH, USA, 6 February 2025)
[9] "Your not doing well I'd understood. Is this goodbye?...till we meet at Jesus' feet?...Thank you! This pilggrimage will result in passing into the total victory Jesus won for us. It's going to be worth it all. I too struggle...so [I] understand your journey in part. Thank you for chronicling yours. Blessed assurance, Jesus is mine, I what a foretaste of glory divine" (LF, Sweden, 6 & 9 February 2025)
[10] "Blessings, brother" (JC, USA, 6 February 2025)
[11] "Au revoir, à Dieu" (TD, Austria, 6 February 2025)
[12] "May Father bless you and keep you. May His face shine upon you always!" (LA, South Africa, 6 February 2025)
[13] "Understood. Expecially the Fibro part Bro. Although I can tell you that...Meanwhile, a creaking door can hang around for longer than expected...even beyond its own expectation. As they say in Hollywood, looking forward to seeing you on the other side" (MH, UK, 8 February 2025)
[14] "I want to let you know that you have been a great help to me and if I don't hear from you again in this realm I hope to see you in the next whenever it's my time. The Lord bless you and keep you" (AO, USA, 8 February 2025)
[15] "YHWH reigns, His will be done. He will make all things new. HalleluYah! Farewell, precious one" (MC, USA, 8 February 2025)
[16] "Grace, grace, grace even at time in life, you have impacted many lives with the Truth. The Gosple, you have explained plainly, the Word of Yahweh with boldness. I have looked up to you for advice, you have corrected me with love. You have mentored many. Grace. Grace. Grace" (RKK, Kenya, 8 February 2025)
[17] "My soul continues to plead for a miraculous healing for you. You are a life-changing power for Father's purpose. May you be comforted and blessed" (MW, USA, 8 February 2025)
[18] "I hope you are mistaken" (JL, Germany, 8 February 2025)
[19] "I, too, hope you are mistaken, but if not, see you on the sea of glass" (AMcK, USA, 8 February 2025)
[20] "Thank you for all the valuable information you shared with us. Until we meet again Shalom" (ME, New Zealand, 8 February 2025)
[20] "WELL DONE, good and faithful servant!! I wish i could hug you like a sister. Thank you so much for the wise words, the biblical insights, and for sharing your many dreams and visions. I have learned from you, and (more importantly) been encouraged by you. Thank you. I owe you a debt i cannot pay, Abba will have to pay you for me. Don't fret about what is not yet done when your moment arrives. If Abba wants it done, it shall be done -- even if by someone else. "occupy until I come", He said. I did read the heartfelt letter you linked in you post here. So much resonated with me; mis-spent time, especially. About other things I will write in a letter; it's alright if you go Home before it arrives at your house. Home is the best place to be. If you have the oomph to mention us in prayer, (I know sometimes one cannot pray; & sometimes Abba says not to) -- please pray we who remain will be discerning and, above all, faithful. It is appropriate that there be someone here to welcome Yeshua when He comes to reign, but waiting is hard. Thank you again, dear older brother." (SBE, USA, 12 February 2025)

This page was created on 7 February 2025 Last updated on 12 February 2025

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