and the Big Brother Concept
by Ruth Johannesen
These last weeks I have been feeling a wonderful feeling of peace (shalom) in Yahweh. Even though my life is at a stressing period, I somehow trusted in Him that everything is taken care of, as it is indeed, and I felt very happy for this. While in this state, I was called to do something I would have considered impossible to be assigned to me because I am not a mother, or married, or a minister. However, I was asked by Yah'shua all the same to hold a very young baby in the Garden, for as long as He sees fit. This has been going on for 4 days now.
The little baby is the one who occupies the deepest parts of ones heart. He is not mine but just the fact that I am holding him in the spiritual level, and the connection between us, opened, not my eyes, but my heart to understanding. This depth, which I believe is something that everyone is capable of given the blessings and/or the circumstances, and to which the most important revelations are given, was all hidden in this little baby. The problem, and perhaps the cause of it, is the fact that this baby is also carrying an immense amount of pain.
However, since all this is done in Yah'shua, I did not need to carry the pain, but I was aware of it. My soul was in suffering for knowing it because I love this baby dearly. It still is in suffering. Today though, Yah'shua answered nearly all the questions I had ever posed in my mind concerning this.
As I said, all these days, I was extremely aware of things in the spiritual level. Yah'shua had said it is what it takes to live up to my assignment. Without words, and without explanations, I just knew things. It was like I had been living in a dark room, not knowing its size and whats in it and feeling my away around with my fingers and now I am given a torch. I suddenly realised that the room is huge and that there are innumerable objects in it, all of which vitally important. Everywhere I turned, I saw another understanding, another piece of wisdom. I had to let Yah'shua control what to look at, or I would go crazy.
At some point though, it came to my future itself. I couldnt see what would happen, but I could see that if I want to be who Yahweh wants me to be, I might be called to things that are unthinkable to me as of now. And I say I might because this has not happened yet but for minor issues, like listening to pop music or watching TV. I was advised to give it a rest and not think about it, but the mere prospect of being forced into conditions which are to me as painful as torture gave me last night a full-blown panic attack, and this perhaps the second one I got in all my life. I hardly slept and I woke up ill in the morning and extremely weak physically. I knew what it would require. If it werent for the baby, I might have never returned to my father and have abandoned this family, but because I had promised that I would protect him and hold him, I could not run now but rather face the problem.
What happened was that I knew I had to lay all my hopes and expectations of my life before Him and submit completely and I also knew I would eventually do it, and that was the scariest thing of all: to know that it is all predestined. I discussed it at first with my father, though not getting right to the point, and then, being forced to drop communication with him for about an hour, I contemplated it having my eyes always fixed on Yah'shua. The amount of pain that the prospect of this commitment provoked was too much for me that drove me into mourning. I returned to my dad and I was crying so bitterly, I was literary being torn to pieces.
As I had expected, I proceeded to what I had expected wrongly to be the highlight of the session. I made a covenant to submit to all that is planned for me, provided that Yahweh keeps his promises. I was feeling more and more broken as I made this covenant. I felt like I was being struck as if by a huge sea wave, and quite a lot of pain in my heart, but at least I was doing the right thing. Then I felt gratitude to Yahweh and I told my father that I love Him more than anything.
That statement triggered a remote and seemingly irrelevant memory, which though was the key to the exit door and to Shalom. I remembered of George Orwells book 1984. For those of you who have not read it, it is about a totalitarian state in which everyone is watched and everyones thoughts are read. What is very interesting about it are the similarities to converting to faith in Yahweh. In the totalitarian system of this story, there are things such as thought-crime, i.e. thinking the wrong thoughts, very much like impure thinking is to Christians. There is even sex-crime, as the law has it, that sex is only allowed between spouses and strictly for reproduction. Big Brother is a figure whom no one has ever seen and he or the system is the one watching and knowing everyone and everything. A man, Winston, sees through the lies of the system and stops believing that Big Brother is good, but rather that he does not exist and that it is but a system of gaining more and more control, a bit like people who dont believe in Yahwehs existence. Naturally, he is arrested for that. They know everything about him and thus they torture him in every way, in attempt not to punish him, but to change his heart.
Their ultimate goal is to love Big Brother, but even after it all, Winston does not do so, although he agrees that if Big Brother says that 2+2=5, then it is actually 5 and there is no doubt about that. What happens eventually is that the man who is in charge of Winstons reforming, very much like our ministers, sees that what is really keeping Winston from loving Big Brother is in fact his love for a woman, something which is against the laws (a sin). Winstons loyalties are still to her. What happens in the end is that he is put into a situation where he has to face his greatest fear, namely rats who are about to feed off his own face. The only way to come out of this alive is to renounce his love for the woman and ask them to do this to her, not to him. After that, he is released. He is an empty shell, but he knows one thing: that he loves Big Brother.
When I said that I loved Yahweh, I remembered this. I saw my situation dangerously similar to what happened in this satanic system. I told this to my father, and of course he reacted saying that Yahweh is forcing us through hardships and pain because of His love for us, not to break us down and kill our spirit. I agreed of course, because I have learnt it is so, but I felt that to me submission has and had always been a transaction: I give You my soul and You dont send me to hell. I really believed that I did not love Yahweh.
My father told me to ask Yah'shua about this. I did so, and Yah'shua took the baby I had been carrying from my arms. He then told me that I do love Yahweh even if I dont see it, and I dont see it because I have no faith in my own actions. He said that what I do is but the lowest step, namely to be a servant and obey for fear of the consequences. Everyone can follow orders without any feeling, just for fear of hell. Now that I mention this, I believe that scaring people with the prospect of hell perhaps isnt the best way to bring them to Yah'shua. As my father says, this form of faith is bound to lead to rebellion.
The second point He made was that the way my life will be, the way I am and my spiritual condition has an impact, not just on me, but on a multitude of people. And that I am called to love, not to be a slave. Of course I have to obey every single commandment, but what He said in other words was that there is a very good prospect for me in this life, and I can be happy and complete (note: know more instead of becoming empty) here on earth, before the millennium and I shouldnt see it as a painful time in which I have to be a slave to an unknown deity. So my covenant to live according to His plan was but the ticket to get on the train to happiness, rather than an end in itself. This way the Big Brother concept did not apply. Yahwehs motives are to our benefit, not to His, or why would He give His son to the hands of people who tortured Him and killed Him?
I still did not see how submission should be a cause for a feast, as He had once told me. At this point He gave me back the little baby to hold again. The feelings that I had felt the first time He gave him to me returned I felt the hollowness of a soul which has been under demonic control for so many years and the pain that came with it. Yah'shua said you see what it takes now, and although I understood what He meant, I cannot put it to words. After a few minutes I saw that my soul is still in pain. The same pain I had felt before when I mourned, only very little this time. I thought that it is not cured. I asked Yah'shua and His answer was the same: this is what it takes. The pain was necessary, not something to heal.
Then it all opened to my understanding. I felt happy, even this might sound odd. I thought, this pain is indeed very little and it is reforming me to a better person. It is not remotely close to being tortured inside, just something that makes me aware that I am changing. And I am changing to fulfil His will. My heart took a leap at this thought and I was very happy. Yah'shua said then that this is proof that I love Him: that I am not only following orders, that I am not only willing out of loyalty, but I would even volunteer for the inconvenience of being reshaped inside to please Him. At that moment exactly, the peace (shalom) that had been lost in the previous days was recovered, despite the heaviness in my heart.
The conclusions that I drew from this are many. First of all, that love for Yahweh does not taste like love for people, at least not to me. It is rather a function of the soul that operates in the background and has manifestations such as obedience and happiness in pleasing Him. Moreover, a process coming from Him can sometimes be painful or not feel right, and some of the things He puts us through might want to make us to run away and never return, but not feeling right is no measure of what must be and whats best for us. Go to Yah'shua and ask Him, if you feel this way. He is always near to those who are going through trials.
Finally, we keep hearing the words full submission, crucifixion of the flesh, lose your life to preserve it and we keep listening to stories of people who go through extreme ordeals to fulfil their purpose. We know it is not an easy road to walk and that each has to carry their cross to follow Yah'shua. But this life is not a life of only pain and suffering; it is not a life that we just have to endure to enter the kingdom. This life is a BLESSING. It has been given to us out of the infinite love of Yahweh. We pursue Yah'shua walking on water, and sometimes through fire, and yes its painful, but He has conquered the world already! The promise that everything will be perfectly fine, here, now, and today is all around us, no matter what we are going through.
"Wherein you greatly rejoice, though now for a little while, if need be, you have been put to grief in various trials, that the proof of your faith, which is more precious than gold that perishes even though it is tested by fire, may be found to result in praise and glory and honour at the revelation of Jesus Christ - whom not having known you love; on whom, though now you don't see him, yet believing, you rejoice greatly with joy unspeakable and full of glory - receiving the end of your faith, the salvation of your souls" (1 Peter 1:6-9, NIV)