Understanding the True
Origins of Mormonism
The Incredible Story of a Race of Celestial Beings
that once Came to the Earth...
by Clare Gregory
Chapter 8
God Holds All The Cards
My experience is very out of the ordinary, which unique experience God
ordained for me in order to move me out of Mormonism. But everyone is
different. God may want some members of the Church to remains LDS until
they die, and therefore, He would never challenge their faith through very
painful experiences as God did for me. God will bless these faithful,
believing Mormons and their families, their work, and their Church
callings. They will find great personal happiness in the Church. They are
living in the will of God. God ordained these good people to be Mormons,
and I’m not judging any of the spiritual experiences God may have given them
in the Church. But for these people to turn around and judge me that I
should have remained a Mormon because that’s what God wants from them, is
faulty logic. Because God wanted to show me a different view of Mormonism,
doesn’t mean I’m lying or deceived. God has willed something different for
my life.
A person can read the Book of Mormon, and God can whisper very strongly they
are to be members of the LDS Church. So they get baptized, and God blesses
them in their LDS walk. Great! But from this experience, these faithful
converts will immediately assume all the doctrine and assumptions in
Mormonism are true, including a false purpose of life, false priesthood, and
false temple ordinances. It happens all the time. But most unfortunate,
based on their experience with the will of God, they assume God will treat
every sincere person the same way God has dealt with them. But it is
simply an innocent error. For there are many sincere people that have
studied and prayed about the Book of Mormon, but God has actually told them
by the Holy Spirit to stay away from the LDS Church and not be baptized. It
isn’t for them. And guess what? These people do the same thing, and they
judge the Mormons wrongfully! They reason: “God told me to stay away from
Mormonism, therefore, my Mormon friend must be getting false revelations and
has been deceived!”
God Holds All The Cards
God holds all the cards in the LDS testimony process. He can choose to tell
a person a truth in Mormonism, or He can be silent, or He can point out the
flaws in the Church and move someone out. It’s at His discretion what He
speaks and when, not man’s. Man cannot manipulate God by faith. Only Satan
believes the human mind has the power of faith to create such a false
paradigm. The false prophecy of a building an LDS temple in Jackson County
is an example.
No one can truly guarantee an affirmative answer from God about Mormonism.
Think about how irrational that assumption is. Should every human being be
a Mormon? Is that the will of God? No! But to promise God will tell
EVERYONE who asks to know the truth in Mormonism makes this very
assumption. Anyone who asks God about the Church should become a member of
the LDS Church. Is this true? No. We all have a unique path ordained by
God, and not everyone is supposed to be a Mormon. And the proof of this
truth is that many do go through the LDS testimony process and honestly feel
nothing. What? Do we just accept those positive experiences that receive
the answer that is expected as being valid evidence? See how biased the
mind can be? If we include ALL the evidence, including those who DON’T GET
AN ANSWER, the paradigm suddenly changes to fit my theory much better!
The truth is liberating. We don’t have to go back to the sincere person who
fails the testimony process and say, “OK, what are you doing wrong? Are
there any sins you need to repent of? Did you ask in faith? Did you ponder
and really think about it?”
“Yes! I did everything I was told to,” they respond.
“And didn’t you feel the Holy Spirit.”
“No.”
“Well, just keep working at it. You will.”
Can’t we see how this process forces an answer from God? And God will not
be manipulated. God will answer whoever He chooses to answer and when He
chooses to speak. The LDS testimony process, as explained before, is a
counterfeit spiritual process that can lead into great darkness, especially
if a person continues praying for an affirmative answer against God’s will.
If a person truly is not supposed to be a Mormon, but he pushes for an
answer anyway, he invites demonic influences to produce counterfeit “burning
in the bosom” experiences to trap him into a religion his is not supposed to
be in.
These are the people that are the most miserable Mormons. They have forced
the testimony process against God’s will, received what they expected under
duress, and they find themselves unhappy being a Mormon and just don’t get
it. “Why is everyone else happy, but I am not?” they wonder. They end up
someplace they truly do not belong and can’t figure it out. They know they
had a spiritual experience, but they keep seeing false things in the Church,
and they run across conflicts they can’t comprehend. But they endure in the
Church because they “know it is true”. Ouch! Finally, they investigate
all the Anti-Mormon literature, and they discover the “lies” about the
Church. Joseph Smith is defined as a complete fraud. God has his way, and
He moves them out of the LDS Church, but sometimes at the peril and pain.
Some are so devastated by the historical facts, they turn agnostic or
atheist to deal with the conflict. Intense anger may last for years.
Others find Jesus and find peace, but they make the false conclusions about
Mormonism. Then they attack the Church from a false perspective, claiming
Joseph Smith was fraud, and they spread the lie to others. Sometimes
unwittingly they may do more harm than good to members of the LDS Church.
In essence there are four different types of people:
- 1) God’s will is to be a Mormon, and God confirms it.
- 2) God’s will is to be a Mormon, but God is silent about it.
- 3) God’s will is not to be a Mormon, and God confirms it.
- 4) God’s will is not to be a Mormon, but God is silent about it.
As explained, the person that can be most damaged is category number 4,
creating a potential forced answer in prayer that may take years if not
decades to reverse. For this reason, the best approach to Mormonism is to
not pray and ask the Lord whether Mormonism is true or not, but just read
what is taught and determine whether we want to believe it or not. This
will protect anyone from forcing false revelations about the issue. A
person should seek the Lord’s will by paying attention to Holy Spirit and
not forcing any expectations on God to determine what is the right course of
action for them. It is highly unlikely that any Christian after reading
this book would desire to be a Mormon, but it is possible. I would not
recommend it, but that’s coming from my life’s experience, not yours. Who
am I to judge? I know nothing of your circumstances. But you and God do.
I can conceive, therefore, individuals who are currently Mormons, after
reading this book, they are still prompted by God to remain in the LDS
Church, in spite of the errors.
False Prayer Pattern
All of the misunderstanding of the LDS testimony is caused by misapplying a
false pattern of prayer, as explained in detail in a previous chapter.
The LDS missionaries teach the following false pattern of prayer:
- 1. Our Heavenly Father
- 2. We Thank Thee
- 3. We Ask Thee
- 4. In the Name of Jesus Christ. Amen.
As a missionary, we taught investigators this simple formula and then asked
them to pray and ask about the truthfulness of our message. Some
investigators got affirmative answers to the truths we taught and joined the
Church. Others received opposite answers and did join. At the time, I
didn’t understand, and it very much frustrated me when God did not answer
someone’s prayer the why I had been trained to expect. But now I
understand. God’s will if different for everyone.
It is truly unfortunate that the false LDS prayer formula has not been
exposed sooner. Although it opens the believer up to receiving a witness of
truth, at the same time, there is no protection of swallowing a lie that
might be hidden by Satan. The foundation of the prayer is not focused on
doing the will of God. Rather, we become members of the Church because we
gain a “testimony of the truth” and we go around proclaiming we “know the
LDS Church is true” based on a bogus prayer process. The process opens us
up to receiving false impressions and conclusions about the Holy Spirit
telling us the “LDS Church is true,” when such questions are earth-bound,
not eternal realities. It is no wonder the LDS mind gets so wrapped up in
false conclusions and deceptive spirits, being seduced to believe in occult
temple ordinances. The Lord’s prayer, in which we seek to do God’s will,
says nothing about “feelings.” The will of God is not couched in feelings
alone, but is in human agency and choice. The will of God makes intelligent
decisions, regardless of our feelings about it. Therefore, we pray that the
kingdom may come into our view clearly, as we become born of God, that we
might do the will of our Heavenly Father.
The will of God always conforms itself to our earthly sphere, giving
direction and guidance to earthly time and space. For example, a person
should reasonably pray: “Lord, what church should I fellowship” [Church
Location] and not: “Which church is true?” Or a person should ask: “God
what is your will in my life? Should I join the LDS religion?” and not ask:
“Is the LDS Church true?” A person should also ask for protection: “Lord,
please don’t let me be deceived by Satan, but open my eyes up to error.
Deliver me from evil,” rather than: “Is the Book of Mormon true?”
The true pattern of prayer in Matt 6:9-13 was given by Jesus Himself to help
us avoid half-truths and deceptions of the devil. Obeying the will of God
and believing the truth are mutually exclusive principles. If we pray for
wisdom and truth and we receive it, that is one thing. But “where” we apply
the wisdom we receive from God can be vastly different depending on each
person. Therefore, a person may be called to be a Mormon by the will of
God, even if the theology is only half-true. On the other hand, he may be
called by God to serve outside the Mormon Kingdom, such as becoming a
Catholic, Baptist, Pentecostal, and so forth. None of these religions are
perfectly true either.
Therefore, let us not judge each other based on truth and error. But let us
seek to do the will of God, praying that God show us our errors and lead us
not into temptation, but deliver us from evil. Just because something we
learn is true, does not make a second principle else either true or false.
All truth is independent. Jesus understands. Thus, He instructed his
disciples to pray according to a specific pattern, which prayer is
significantly different than the pattern taught in the LDS Church.
If you are wondering why the testimony process didn’t work for you, but it
did for someone else, I’ve just explained the answer. You can breath
easily. God wants some people to be in the LDS Church, and He wants you
somewhere else. You can be free of Mormonism, so quit worrying about it,
and go find out where God wants you to be. On the other hand, if you read
this whole book and God testifies I’m telling the truth, and yet God still
wants you to be a Mormon, well, then you’ll need to stay a Mormon, won’t
you? I’m not going to make the false assumption that every Mormon in Utah
should suddenly leave his faith, family, and religion and go find another
path. That is not reasonable. God has a plan for the LDS people, and some
will be called by God to stay Mormons, and others will be called to leave.
I was called to leave.
God Called Me To Leave Mormonism
Everyone’s story about leaving Mormonism is unique. No two are exactly the
same. Many Mormons may read my testimony and completely disagree with my
experience and observation in the Church. Many will think I’m from outer
space and went to a different LDS Church. Many may believe I’m lying. But
please understand I admit many of my views do NOT represent the mainstream
of current LDS thinking. This acknowledgment is for those who are not
familiar with the changing views and theology of Mormonism. The LDS Church
has evolved over time. What is taught today is not what was taught at the
time of Joseph Smith. The Church has constantly changed. The name of the
LDS Church, for example, went through three iterations before it stabilized
in 1838 to what it is called today.
A member of the Church who accepts the current structure and practices in
the LDS Church as God’s “living oracles” and “interpretation of Scripture”
will have conclusions about the LDS Church and doctrine will be
significantly different than mine. I admit that. If a person truly wants
to join the LDS Church based on what is taught today in the Church, this is
probably not the right book to be reading. The purpose of this book is not
to quote living LDS General Authorities and beliefs that defend Mormonism.
Twenty years ago I decided to focus my faith on Joseph Smith and the early
foundational principle of the LDS Church, supporting my views strictly from
the modern LDS scriptures. By reading and praying about the Book of
Mormon, D&C, and observing the temple ordinances, I developed my own
personal understanding by the Holy Spirit that finally led me out of the
Church. As I studied the teachings of the Prophet Joseph Smith, I saw many
conflicts with the current Church view. I reasoned that because Joseph
Smith actually saw the Father and the Son he was more qualified in his
understanding the gospel. If there was a conflict, I opted to believe
Joseph Smith over a living General Authority. For this reason and unique
experience, my viewpoints will differ from many other members of the LDS
faith.
Born a Mormon
I was born a Mormon. My parents were stalwarts in the Church. My mother
was a State Relief Society President, and my father served on the Stake High
Counsel. I never doubted anything my parents told me, and I pretty much
just assumed that the Church was true from birth. When I was seventeen a
girlfriend gave me my first Anti-Mormon literature to read. I devoured the
literature with the assumption that it was wrong and I was right. I went to
my parents, and they led me to all the LDS sources that gave me the standard
responses to the literature. I prayed about the Book of Mormon and got my
affirmative answer. The Church was 100% true, and I knew it with all my
soul. Over many years of study, however, things started puzzling me. I
read the Bible and the LDS scriptures, and what I saw in the LDS Church and
at the pulpit did not match the scriptures. I couldn’t understand the logic
that if the Church were really true, then why are not the things in the
scriptures taught with more clarity by the members? Why would God have his
true Church so far off base? Why don’t the modern prophets fix it? They
have the revelatory gifts, right? Where are the gifts of the Spirit I read
about? And I wondered deeply about these things.
I served a mission to Indiana. I believed in the legalistic authority of
the mission rules—that new converts would materialize by our obedience to
spiritual law and our faith, and I found myself turned into a complete
religious zealot, much like the apostle Paul was before his conversion to
the grace of God. I was very successful on my mission and prided myself in
my self-discipline and good works. I committed myself to Christ at age
twenty, which was very similar to what all true Christians do, except I was
making the promise in a mixed-up religion, unfortunately. Above all else I
wanted to know the truth and be saved eternally. I reasoned that anything
short of that objective was rather foolish, since earth life is such a tiny
portion of eternity. We ought to search deeply for God and secure our
salvation while as mortal beings. That idea just always rang true to me.
Honesty and integrity ruled my life, and I was almost fanatical about using
honesty in telling others what I felt and believed. The Holy Spirit
prompted me to attend BYU, which I did. It also prompted me when and who to
marry.
Conflicting LDS Scriptures
Over a period of years I discovered the LDS scriptures were not agreeing
with my commons sense or with each other, which I’ve shared in a previous
chapter. The fact that the Book of Mormon condemns Solomon for having many
wives and concubines calling it an abomination (Jacob 2:24.), the D&C said
it was not a sin. (D&C 132:38.) But even more blatant is that the Book of
Mormon teaches the principle of marriage is one wife, and the except,
granted only by the Lord is plural marriage, and then only to raise up more
children. But D&C132 teaches the exact opposite. Plural marriage is an
eternal principle that must be obeyed to receive the highest reward or glory
in Heaven. So, the issue became not whether the doctrine was right or
wrong, it was the fact that these two LDS books blatantly contradict each
other. Clearly, either God changes His mind over time or the words came
from a liar. Obviously, since I assume God tells the truth and does not
change his mind about a matter, these two verses really bothered me. I
also saw blatant contradictions with the Bible. I bought an Inspired Version
of the Bible that is published by the Reorganized LDS Church, and I read it
with complete confidence, believing Joseph Smith’s changes were correct.
But even with all of Joseph Smith’s changes, the writings of Paul haunted me
like a ghost. He wrote so much about faith and grace it disturbed me. All
confusions I would put on hold. I prayed and fasted waiting for answers
from God. And the answers came one at a time over two decades; but the
answers were seldom what I expected. The answers would always take me out
of the mainstream of the Church, and I did not like that. It made me feel
lonely in the truth. The anti-Mormon literature I read as a teenager I had
shelved completely on my mission, believing it was a waste of time studying
darkness. The LDS scriptures and the modern prophets, especially Joseph
Smith, were my expert guides into the truth.
Over many years, almost unbearable emotional turmoil inside caused a mental
jolt to break loose some major errors in my thinking. I had trusted others
more than myself and more than God, and I learn this was wrong. As a very
believing person, I trusted what my parents and leaders told me was the
truth, and I assumed the Church was 100% true without really thinking
through the LDS concepts completely for myself. My family, leaders, and
friends said they knew certain things were true, and I naively believed they
knew. I would hear someone speak in Church and testify they knew the some
principle was true and would make us happy by obeying it, then believing
they knew what they were saying, I would go do what they said! Literally!
But the application of “their words” made me miserable. Over many years of
this crap, I finally realized that the people at the pulpit were NOT doing
what they believed in themselves, or they would be as miserable as I was!
They were hypocrites and dishonest, lying to themselves. If they did what
they believed in with all their hearts, they would not be the happy person
they simply presumed they would be. They would be miserable like me. But,
these unwise teachers never learned what they thought was suppose to save
them and bring happiness because they lazily refused to put forth the
sacrifice and effort required to actually test whether what they were
teaching were true or false! I finally stopped believing everything taught
at the pulpit. Unfortunately, I was too stupid to see through the hypocrisy
and foolish errors sooner. But what could we expect? I had not been
taught to think for myself. It took almost a decade of personal application
and trial and error to learn what I’ve just written is the truth. The
principles being taught by these sincere people did not work in my life, so
by default, I learned they were false the hard way! By my pain!
Being programmed to follow others is a fundamental belief of Mormonism and
causes us not to think and choose for ourselves; neither do we look at the
underlying assumptions driving our behavior. Others may react differently
to the philosophy, but it hurt me badly. I believed with such intensity and
sincerity. It was an unspoken assumption of my parents for me to go on an
LDS mission, so I went. I didn’t even think or question such a command.
The prophet commanded it; the Church is true; and we must obey. So when I
went on my mission, I acted the part and was very successful at it, became a
zone leader and all that stuff, and baptized a lot of people. Then I went to
college and fulfilled that part of the "LDS program" with obedience. I
graduated magna cum laude from Brigham Young University, applying my whole
soul to my studies. My social life was spending time in the library every
day and an occasional movie on campus.
Making Choices
It wasn't until I had to start making my own choices--like what career to
pick, what company to work for, or who to marry that I started to have
enormous emotional problems. Why shouldn't I? I had never really made my
own choices! When I left BYU, it was like jumping off a cliff into
nothingness. I went from a total structured life depending on others for
direction, to having to make my all of own decisions. It was AWFUL. To
make matters worse, I got married just before I graduated. I was sealed in
the Los Angeles temple according to the "commandment”. However, because of
my believing mind I was paranoid about picking the "wrong girl" who would
not make it with me to the "Celestial Kingdom". Naturally, I wanted the
highest heavenly reward. I was a straight-A student on a full-tuition
scholarship and wanted only the "best". This expectation caused many
problems in my finding a wife as well as much needless stress after I was
married because "simple love" was not the foundation of the marriage.
Rather, the priesthood temple sealing and eternal salvation were my prime
motivations in searching for the right spouse. My wife unfortunately
approached the marriage from a much different angle. She was a convert to
the Church and was not into the deeper theology as I was. She was not
seeing me as a ticket to the celestial realm as I was seeing her, and our
values conflicted like fireworks after we both said, “I do!” What a mess!
It gets worse. Eight years later I realized I had picked a career just to
please my dad rather than to meet my own needs for growth and development,
and I hated the career I had chosen! Being the nice, obedient, believing,
and "good child" all my life, I suddenly became full of rage and anger! I
finally went through my teenage "rebellion" experience at age 35 and was
ready to kick ass! I had a taste for freedom now, and I was heading for
getting out of jail. Oh was I mad! True, this is just a part of growing
up, but the LDS paradigm makes the process a thousand times harder, I
believe!
Then came the realization I was in a religion because of my family heritage
not because I wanted to be in it. I was a wreck. There were so many
conflicts, contradictions, and confusions hovering around my head, I’m not
sure how I made it through the blur. But then I had this blasted testimony
thing to work out! Oh God, did I think these awful realizations would ever
end? I knew the Book of Mormon was true, but then how could I have ended up
where I was? And I just wanted to be "obedient and do what was right?" How
could God do this to me? What another mess of my life! I became very
irritated at all the control in the Church and people telling me what to do
that had no idea what my needs were. Then the Bishop called me as the
Executive Secretary, which calling I absolutely hated. Here I loved the
scriptures, and God put me in a job where I had to sit around in dull
meetings? I dreaded each Saturday night putting the agenda together for
Sunday meetings, knowing that I would have to be someplace I really did not
want to be. But it was my trial. I told the Bishop my feelings and that I
would serve for the priesthood’s sake and obey God’s authority, but it was
something I really didn’t want to do. The Bishop chose not to release me.
It made me hate Sundays, and it was probably a major reason my mind became
more open to leave. It tried to be happy in the calling, but it was what I
did all week long working at IBM, and I needed a spiritual calling not a
grunt work job. I wanted to pray and find rest on Sunday, not sit in
business meetings hearing the latest gossip in the ward. But I believed God
knew what was best for me. My personal feelings didn’t count. We are
supposed to sacrifice for the Kingdom. The Church is true, and I must obey
the priesthood. I stood on that thought for three years, struggling with
the fact I was doing something I did not like! And I was in a Church I did
not like! I hated belonging to a Church that claimed all others were
wrong. But I had to accept it as the truth!
It Finally Came Down To Money
But these emotional revelations and conflicts still were not enough to shake
me free of Mormonism. It finally came down to money. For fifteen years my
wife and I were able to keep all the standards of the Church except one—to
live within our means. No matter what we did, we always had some debts.
She brought a $6000 student loan into the marriage, and we worked several
years to get that down. Then as that approached $0, we had to buy a car.
It was absolutely incredible that no matter what we did, the debts would not
go away. I reasoned that if the Lord’s prophet gave us a commandment to
avoid debt, then we ought to have the ability to keep it. We always paid
our tithing, and God always managed to meet our needs by tiny miracles. We
continually found used items at a fraction of the cost of new ones. One
time we found a piano for $100 in 10 days in time for Christmas. We prayed
and God brought all the events together. It was a pleasure staring at our
$100 piano on Christmas Eve.
But the situation didn’t change. We still had debts. Finally, I decided to
pray for more income. I just needed more money. That would fix it,
right? Within three years my income grew by 50%. I will spare the detail,
but it was a miraculous intervention by the Lord. I was amazed, but very
frustrated. Don’t ask me how it happened because I don’t’ really know how,
but the debts got BIGGER! The financial stress and being in a career I
didn’t like put a enormous stress on my marriage. My wife and I fought
constantly, and it was almost unbearable. I questioned my whole reason for
marrying her. To top it off, I had found the principle of grace and other
truths in the Book of Mormon that mainstream LDS members do not agree with,
and I felt all alone at Church. It was awful. I finally understood clearly
the writings of Paul, which I had struggled with for two decades, and now
that the light went on I wanted to share that unconditional grace, but I
could not! One time I tried sharing the grace of God in sacrament meeting
and the reaction was so bizarre that I vowed never to teach anything
publicly unless it came from “the Brethren”. Th priesthood protocol is the
established doctrine of the Church, and I was out of line, I thought. The
governing principles and understanding must come out of Salt Lake City.
They hold the authority and keys over the Church. Even if the doctrine of
grace I taught was true, no one would believe me. God’s authority is not in
the truth, but in the priesthood. I knew that. But I was interested in
truth not in priesthood power, and apparently most the Saints were more
interested in neither but rather in the weather, baking bread, or the next
social party. So in terms of doctrine, we leave it to the Brethren, right?
Just follow the LDS programs. Perhaps many of members in the Church are
like me and want to be free in the truth, but they just kept quiet about
their viewpoints. I don’t know. Besides how could we know what others
REALLY think? The LDS Church is a place where everyone agrees to believe
and discuss only what the Brethren think! So that’s what we do. Sharing
our personal viewpoints can be risky and a sin if it contradicts the
priesthood. And we must be careful! We may be led by a false spirit like
Hyram Page, who received false revelations and was reprimanded by the Lord
through Joseph Smith! So being safe and conservative, the LDS doctrinal
viewpoints we discuss in Church usually come with the stamp of the
priesthood approval form modern prophets. It’s imbedded into the core
theology. We find the authoritative priesthood source and quote it! We
become Mormon clones! Let’s step up and play the part!
A Day Of Repentance
After a year of intense marital conflict, On May 8, 1998, I finally decided
to just forgive my wife and end the fighting, repent, and just accept my
career and enjoy my family, regardless of the money. I loved her, and this
financial and marital conflict was hurting me inside, and I knew it. After
so many years, I finally came to grips with our situation and accepted our
debts, accepting my dream of being debt free as unrealistic. Maybe we could
refinance our home, I thought. That put a smile on my face as I saw
interest rates dropping. It was only $20,000 of debt, so from the world’s
standards it really was not a big sin. But I did believe deeply in obeying
the prophets of the Lord, and no matter what I had done for fifteen years,
the debts would never go away—even with a 50% raise! Twice we had reduced
the debts to under $500. Then some disaster would occur, like the
transmission in the car breaking or the roof leaking. Strange circumstances
always prevented us from marking the “stay out of debt” commandment off the
spiritual “check list”, and it just bugged me beyond reason. (Do we see how
absurd this is?)
I looked honestly at my new career. Although this was not my “choice” of
what I was looking for, it was a good job and paid very well.
Then the bomb dropped. I was surfing the Internet and came across a site
that believed in all of the things that I had learned in the past two year
about committing ourselves to God and his grace. But it was NOT LDS! At
that point, I opened my mind for the first time in my life that maybe the
LDS Church was not true. Could it be that I was assuming something to be
true that was not? I had my doubts that President Hinkley was a prophet.
It was on Thursday. I mused that the Church was way off base and that my
priesthood was valid in spite of the Church being in darkness. I enjoyed
the gift of the Holy Spirit. I understood the priesthood theology. Joseph
Smith or president Hinkley could rape thirteen women in two nights, and I
still held my priesthood. So it didn’t matter what they said or did!
Now I’m not lying with this next very strange occurrence. On Friday I left
to visit my parents in Southern California. On Sunday, my Father told me he
had a surprise. He pulled out an envelope with a check for $20,000. He had
decided to give each of his kids a gift for tax reasons! I was stunned. My
father had never done this before. And for the first time in fifteen years
I was out of debt. And it was five days after I decided that maybe Gordon
B. Hinkley was not a prophet of the Lord? This got my head turning upside
down! I could not deny that for the first time in our marriage we were out
of debt. And it came only five days after I seriously questioned a prophet
led the LDS Church. Perhaps God was sending me a strong message that
President Hinkley was a false prophet? I reasoned. What is the likelihood
after fifteen years that my father just happened to give me a check for the
exact amount to pay my debts? There are 365 days in a year and for fifteen
years, that equals 5475 days that I believed in the prophet of the LDS
Church and his counsel about debt and failed. I could not get out of debt
no matter what I did. My father gives me a check five days after my mind
has been open for the first time in 40 years, and I’m magically debt free?
I could not ignore the evidence of this experience. My mind went from a
question mark to an exclamation point about “possibility” that the Church
had gone off course. After 40 years, I finally opened my mind to objective
study. I was definitely leaning toward the Church being false, but just
wasn’t sure what to believe. I spent the next six weeks studying the other
side of Church history and Anti-Mormon arguments. The amount of easy access
to reliable and documented information on the Internet is incredible. And
six weeks is all that was required to blow up a testimony that I had worked
on for more than forty years! Amazing! And all that it required was to
open my mind. With a closed mind I always rejected Anti-Mormon literature
for different reasons. I had read much of the literature before my mission
and just ignored the tough issues that had no good answer; assuming God
would answer the question later. It was also very easy to assume that most
anti-Mormon writers are either in it for money, are dishonest, or just enjoy
spreading lies. I did not believe the anti-Mormons information was
credible, and therefore, I rejected it. I trusted Joseph Smith and the
Brethren instead.
My last three years as a member of the Church I was very bitter about the
programming I was sucked into and the waste of "half" my life; but after
leaving the Church I'm not too bitter anymore. It's getting better every
day. I realize it could be worse. I could be learning this when I was 80
years old, with NO CHANCE to change. I still have HALF MY LIFE left at 40,
and am glad I woke up now and not later. I'm also glad I've put a stake in
the ground regarding what I believe, so I can move on. My writing this book
has helped tremendously to set a new course by solidifying my beliefs. The
good news is I'm free now and look forward to a remaining adventurous life
where I'm not being guided by my just pleasing other human beings, but only
pleasing God--who will never "manipulate" me like humans do. I follow the
inner light in me now, not the light in someone else. And I like it a lot!
I don't blame my parents at all. They were following the SAME programming I
was taught. The only difference is they really like their "LDS security".
They like having others tell them what to do. So they lived out their
programming perfectly. But not me. It didn't work in my life. Security is
not as important to me. For me it is a prison. I love truth and freedom,
and these two principles do not mix well at all with Mormonism.
My Life Is Evidence
I have given you my brief story of my life in the LDS Church as first-hand
evidence that something is wrong with the God of Mormonism. I spent 23
years of intensive study, spending perhaps one to three hours a day drinking
from the LDS standard works, praying and fasting for answers. And the
answers I received independently using reason and the Truth were what I
found to be believed to be true by others outside the LDS Church when I
left. For example, God taught me the concept of the “spiritual church” of
Christ in all denominations before I ever heard the idea in the Christian
world. When I left Mormonism and united with another Christian Church, I
felt at home. They all believed like me. I enjoy sharing and
fellowshipping. It’s natural. It’s from the heart. And it’s wonderful! I
had found the doctrine of grace from the Book of Mormon, but felt very alone
in Mormonism. Why didn’t the Holy Spirit teach me the same things that the
Priesthood Brethren were learning? I was active in my church callings, and
with the exception of debt, was a straight arrow regarding the Church
standards, paid my tithing, and served my family and fellow man diligently.
I was called to many leadership positions, being a counselor to five
different Elder’s quorum presidents and was Executive Secretary in a
Bishopric for three years. Why was I taught differently? I’m honest. I’m
not trying to prove the Church right or wrong. I’m only interested in the
truth. The truth has been my obsession. So I ask my Mormon friends: why
did I suddenly become debt free two days after I considered that maybe the
LDS prophets were false? Some may be thinking it was a test on my
testimony? Give me a break! Fifteen years is a long time and five days is
a wink!
Can an active believing Mormon please explain why my testimony did not stand
the test of time? If I truly knew the Church was true as I claimed, I would
not have changed my position. Indeed I lied to many, many others and to
myself. I hope those I lied to and believed me will forgive me and
understand that I sincerely believed what I said was true, but I deceived
myself by my dishonesty. I remember how uncomfortable I was the first time
I bore my testimony, wondering if I really knew or not. But after the first
time, and the many other repeat offenses, my belief turned to what I assumed
was knowledge. It no longer felt uncomfortable, but the lie flowed
naturally out of my mouth as the truth. I followed the LDS program and got
innocently sucked in because of childhood training. I apologize to anyone
who may have believed me.
Today my life has changed completely. I’m free in the truth. With this
book, for example, I need never apologize for lying. I’m being honest, I’ve
stated my assumptions, and I’ve also left room for error and will change if
I’ve done so. I’ve also explained that my LDS friends are welcome to
believe in an illogical theology if they wish to. My only intention is to
invite others to look at the facts and logic and believe as they wish. I’m
finally free not to judge them or myself, but to simply choose to believe
what I believe and declare it as such.
Two Approaches to the Finding the Truth
I’ve explained my personal experience with Mormonism. Each person will have
a different experience. The “Recovery From Mormonism” Internet site has
many stories of people who found the truth about Mormonism and left. They
aren’t exactly the same as mine, but the end conclusion is the same. The
LDS Church is false. I invite you to search the Internet or go find some
anti-Mormon books to read that will allow you to see the issues and facts
surrounding Mormonism for yourself. I admit, some of the anti-Mormon
arguments are lame. But others are profound and provocative.
There are two ways to approach Mormonism to find the truth. One is by
personal experience. The other is by study. By far the most difficult
approach is personal experience. My personal story illustrates my point.
We become baptized and believe the LDS Church is true. Then by applying the
principles of the gospel, a person is supposed to gain a testimony of the
Church. Since the Church assumed to be true, this approach also assumes
that Anti-Mormon viewpoints are a waste of time, for such investigation
simply delves the mind into places it should not go. Why not spend time in
the light rather than darkness? However, by studying only the LDS
theology, scriptures, modern prophets, and by following the approved Church
programs, it is NEARLY IMPOSSIBLE find and understand the truth about
Mormonism. We are given specific Mormon glasses to view the world and all
historical facts.. It’s an unique LDS perspective, a filtering of all
information through those lenses, and only a Mormon who has gone through the
false processes of mind can appreciate how difficult it is to break down and
see the truth. Most people, I must say, do not find the truth by their “LDS
experience method” unless they make it a lifetime, all-consuming issue to
study all the theological beliefs from official sources published by the
Church, particularly the teachings of Joseph Smith and the early writings of
the Brethren. It requires and intensive study of the Latter-day
revelations, comparing them to the Bible. Reading the Ensign and Book of
Mormon will NOT lead anyone to the full truth of Mormonism. The theological
errors are very subtle and difficult to detect in the “milk doctrines” of
the Church because so much truth exists in abundance. Unless we are
grounded in the Bible, we will not see the errors in the “meaty doctrines”
nor even some of the false “milk doctrines” of the LDS plan of salvation.
As a believing member trusting our LDS experience we will be biased and
one-sided in our viewpoints, assuming that the final answers of truth must
always support the Church being true, thus forcing the outcome and rigging
the score during most of our learning.
On the other hand, objective study of known facts is the simplest, fastest,
and most effective way to determine the validity of Mormonism. We can spend
a few months studying Mormonism as objectively as possible from both sides
to learn the truth or we can spend decades or even a lifetime like I did
sincerely serving the LDS Church with our whole being only to discover after
all the sacrifice and effort that it is false! Do we want to spend a few
months of objective study or a lifetime of personal experience in which God
may have to pry open our closed-minds with a spiritual crow bar to get the
right answer?
It’s our choice.
Biased Objectivity
Objectivity in religious belief is not easy. We each are raised by our own
“father religions”. Our mind filters all information based on what we have
chosen to believe is true. When my mind was opened and I tried to look
objectively at Mormonism, I still was wishing it was true, for that would
make my life much easier, considering my family roots in the Church go back
to 1831. Mormonism creates an extremely biased mind using the testimony
process described. Because it starts with thinking the Church is true, and
the Book of Mormon from God's angels, all information will be filtered to
SUPPORT that view. It's just the way the mind works. Once we choose to
believe something is the truth, then information is tied to that choice, and
thus, we are ALL BIASED based on our choice to believe and can't escape our
biased viewpoints. To be totally objective, one would have to remove
themselves from the God debate and choose NOT to believe anything about
God. Such becomes an agnostic, who has the freedom to see objectively, but
no faith or belief in anything. Therefore, based on our experience with
Christianity and Mormonism we have made many choices of belief that causes
our minds to see through the filter that it does. After I left Mormonism,
my testimony process and paradigm changed to believing in God’s Word alone,
and now I view the world through the lens of the Bible. What I've learned
with the Bible lens is to better sort through my own "false feelings" and
become more accurate in discerning errors that I didn't see before. I used
to go "up and down" in my feelings as a Mormon, but now I'm "stabilizing"
because of the Bible. I still believe in revelation and God speaking
through my feelings, but it’s more calm and peaceful than previously. Now
my feelings are placed top of the Word, not the bottom or foundation. I
simply believe God has promised to save me, and I accept it on faith
independent of how I feel about the promise. I chose to believe.
The LDS Church is False
The fact is the LDS Church is not what it claims to be. Mountains of
evidence prove it. Whatever your experience has been with Mormonism, this
book can save you decades if not a lifetime of hard work and bitter lessons
if you thoughtfully consider the following assumptions:
- 1. There is a God.
- 2. He always tells the truth.
- 3. The truth is always logical.
- 4. True and false angels can appear to people.
If you agree that these four assumptions are true, then I can prove the LDS
theology is not logical. And if it is not logical, then the theology could
not have originated from God. The angels that communed with Joseph Smith
must have therefore been false angels. If false, then the Church is also
false because the LDS priesthood is bogus.
If so, then many other things must be explained, such as purpose of the
Book of Mormon. We must understand exactly how prayer and revelation can
produce testimonies in the hearts of members, leading them to false
conclusions about the Church being true. We need to explain the First
Vision changes. These things I’ve already touched on. I’ve already shown
the false logic behind the LDS testimony process, which process can not be
from God. But we also need to bridge many esoteric doctrines in the LDS
faith that could be true even though they are not in the Bible, such as the
spirit world and pre-earth life. If false angels appeared to Joseph Smith,
then the devil could reveal NEW TRUTHS to the LDS Church, but mixed it with
much error. For example, Satan could reveal the existence of the spirit
world with the intention of binding the people to the false doctrine of
baptism for the dead. This is a most effective strategy, to bury error
deeply into attractive truths, so we can not find it. I will address some of
the more esoteric topics of Mormonism later and bridge them to true
Christianity, enabling the believer to retain a testimony of Jesus and what
is really true in the LDS faith, while discarding the errors. This book
will now continue to proceed in an orderly fashion to expose the illogical
theology of Mormonism, sending the Mormon house of phony cards tumbling down
one after another.
This page was first created on 23 January 1999
Last Updated on 16 April 1999
Created and Maintained by The New Covenant Assemblies of Yahweh
Not all the views expressed in this book are necessarily those of NCAY