12. Parents, Children and Homosexuality
How One Mother Came to Terms
with Her Son's Homosexuality
by True Freedom Trust
Please study this disclaimer before reading further
I found my 17 year old son lying on his bed sobbing uncontrollably. I asked him what on earth was wrong. He told me he was a homosexual and loved another boy.
I silently prayed, "Almighty God, help me."
I tried reasoning with him, saying he was just very fond of this boy, that there was no way, no way at all that he could be a homosexual.
I told him I would fetch him two aspirins (to take away his pain) and he would feel better in the morning.
When morning came my son was still a homosexual man much to my surprise because I had prayed all night asking God not to let it be so.
The next few weeks or maybe months I can only remember as agonising times of uncontrollable emotions, shock, disbelief, anger and disgust all rolled into one.
I walked about the house day after day like a zombie praying over and over again, "Please God not my son".
Our relationship became so strained that he would only come into the house to sleep (I remember thanking God for that).
I would sit up and wait for him to come home and then talk to him hour after hour and throw in some bible verses that condemned homosexual acts.
What I had failed to realise was that my son had never felt sexually attracted to the female sex. What he was feeling came "naturally" to him.
His father was beside himself with grief he was so shocked, and quite incapable of coping with this crisis. This led him to having a nervous breakdown that lasted three years.
I found I could only share this horror with my sister. I lived in fear of other people finding out.
I did try different counselling places but they were all non-Christian.
They told me that the fault lay in me. I was too narrow-minded for this day and age, what my son was doing was perfectly all right.
Even in my desperate state I knew this was not true.
The next few months were spent in uncomprehending shock, a nightmare that shattered me completely, I hurt so much it was unbearable.
I remember asking God why had He given me such a beautiful gift of my son and then let him be turned into something unthinkable.
"Was it my fault?" I asked.
"Is it because of my sin? Are you punishing me through my son?"
I found it very difficult to pray.
As time went on I found my love for my son disintegrating. I could not look at him without feeling disgust. The devil had really gone to work.
I tried to find inspiration in God's Word but nothing sank in.
I felt I could not take any more.
I could not face waking to another day of fear and panic. So I decided to end my sufferings and my misery (I gave no thought to the sufferings of my husband and son).
I drank a large bottle of wine and staggered upstairs clutching a large tub of depression tablets (even though I was drunk I remember this very clearly).
Before I die, I told myself, I will make one last attempt to plead with God not for my son but for my own life.
I asked God to deliver me from this terrible state and heal my mind so that I could help my son.
The tablets were thrown away and I recovered from a nasty hangover.
God then lifted my depression and untwisted my chaotic mind.
It was at that time that I began to spend long periods in prayer. I began to feel spiritually uplifted, although for many months to come I would slide back to depression and self-pity, but I didn't stay there long.
I began to see light in Scripture again. Isaiah 41:10 "Fear not for I am with you, be not dismayed for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you. I will uphold you with My victorious right hand".
I remember plainly in a time of prayer God told me to accept my son for what he was.
My son, He told me, would be needing me: who else would he go to if he didn't know God?
I realised God was teaching me to love my son unconditionally.
When I next saw my son I was so filled with love and compassion for him that I found I wasn't looking at a word "homosexual" but I was looking at the beautiful gift of the son God gave me all those years ago.
I told him we loved him very much.
When my son left home he left from a happy home, a home that he knew would always be his.
I was soon asked to teach at our local Sunday School. These were important years in my Christian life. God was giving me an outlet from the circle of self-pity that had formed in my mind.
I loved those children as though they were my own.
What a responsibility God has given me in trusting me with all these children, helping to lay the foundations of their future Christian lives.
They were the best medicine I could have.
On 20 October 1983, at 9.30 p.m., I was reading Philippians Chapter 1 and I came to verse 21: "To live is Christ, to die is gain".
These few words changed my whole life.
These few words showed me the magnitude of Jesus Christ.
I no longer regret the past because I know God will bring good fruit from it. I look forward to the future and what it holds.
Over the years my son has suffered dreadful emotional complications, taking four overdoses of tablets; these have been desperate cries for help.
Help came through the pastor of my church.
He out me in touch with a Christian counselling service for homosexuals who want to find a way through Jesus Christ.
The choice to see a Christian counsellor was my son's, but I know God had a hand in it and I believe this has been a turning point for him.
God taught me to give unconditional love. He taught me to trust Him at all times. He taught me to pray even when I didn't feel like it. He taught me to trust my son into His care and He has given me patience to let Him do His own work.
I love my son, I will support and encourage him toward his Saviour Jesus Christ. But I know: "The battle is no longer mine" (2 Corinthians 20:15).
I have never met another parent, Christian or otherwise, whose child is homosexual.
Where are these hurting parents, are they all hiding, frightened to confide, just as I was?
I wasn't surprised when God urged me to seek other parents, so that I could offer them friendship, support and encouragement.
They need someone who has been there, someone who can share their feelings.
And I can now offer support to others and share my testimony: "Out of my distress I called on the Lord, the Lord set me free. With the Lord on my side I do not fear, what can man do to me?" (Psalm 118:5).
Don't feel alone, there are Christians who will help you...
If you have a son or daughter who is homosexually orientated and would like to be linked with another Christian parent who has worked through some of the problems that need to be faced, who will pray for you, and who will preserve confidentiality, then please contact us or:
True Freedom Trust
LONDON SE4 1EF, U.K,
Mertseyside L49 6NY, U.K,
MPLS, MN 55414, U.S.A
This page was created on 30 January 2001
Last updated on 30 January 2001
Reproduced with Thanks