One of the things I started hearing about in recent times as a pastor is there's a benefit to believers having forums where they can discuss their anti-biblical-sexual desires with others who have them.

I strongly disagree.

We aren't all tempted by the same things. Some people have adulterous desires, some don't. Some are tempted to lie or to steal, some aren't. But Elohim/God doesn't create anyone an adulterer or a liar or a thief (we'll not address generational curses here as this is a separate topic). And wrong desires are sinful even if we don't act on them:

"You have heard that it was said, 'You shall not commit adultery.' But I tell you that anyone who looks at a [married*] woman lustfully (with eager desire) has already committed adultery with her in his heart" (Matthew 5:27-28)

[*Looking at an uncovenanted, unmarried woman lustfully, is strictly-speaking fornication. Both adultery and fornication are, of course, sins but the former was unto death under the Old Covensant and the latter did not, making them two differemt categories. It is not uncommon for Christians to confuse the two].

Modern culture claims aberrant sexual desires are like race or ethnicity, something we can't change. They claim it's 'fixed' because it's genetically inherited. There is no biochemical evidence for aberrant sexual genes in spite of some wild claims having been made in the past which have pretty much been debunked scientifically. But Scripture is 100 per cent clear that such impulses are sinful (Romans 1:16-32). Yahweh doesn't give us sinful desires. He helps us have victory over them (James 1:13; Ephesians 4:17-24). And in any case, there is a strong movement in the West denouncing science in favour of unprovable social theories which just compounds the difficulties.

If a Christian man claimed he couldn't 'pray away' his adulterous or thieving desires or lying habit, common sense alone tells you we'd never suggest he learn to live with them and discuss them with women who have the same desires or with other thieves or liars, would we? Rather, we'd recommend he find mature Christians to counsel him, keep him accountable, and assure him that Elohim/God is able to do more than he asks or imagines (Ephesians 3:20).

We won't be perfect this side of heaven (even though we should definitely be aiming to be - Matthew 5:48), but when we are genuinely saved, Father can help us overcome sinful thoughts and desires to that we are no longer tempted to act them out (Ephesians 4:22-23).

So it saddens me when large, effectual Christian organisations ministering on the belief that those with anti-biblical sexual desires can change their desires with Elohim's/God's help, essentially give up and compromise. The problem often is that its leaders are those still struggling to fully overcome these ungodly drives. Deviant sexuality often has a strong demonic component and has to be dealt with by those mature and experienced in such matters.

So many of these ministries start of well but not uncommonly give in to the pressures of the prevailing culture. But their models of operation are often misguided too. Repeated discussions with others who share the same sexual struggles can for sure inspire camaraderie and but at the same time can, and typically do, increase temptation as well, making such exercises self-defeating ultimately. Instead of seeing aberrant sexual desires as evil, it can lead to justifying and excusing them.

Organising churches and ministries around sexual problems is fraught with risk. The place to deal with these problems is in regular congregations where the trouble is taken to minister to those struggling by people who have had appropriate pastoral training and where the congregation is committed to backing any such ministry up in determined prayer. Many lack both and so they are spiritually weak. Many cater only to the 'normal' and shun those who are not.

In Bergen, Norway, I came across a small church run by a single mother-late teen daughter team. The daughter happened to be very beautiful too. There's a reason that congregations are supposed to be led by men and not women, and with accountability structures. You've guessed it. That little church was full of mostly single men, largely off the street, having numerous sexual issues, many of whom had 'fallen in love (read 'lust')' with the daughter. The two ladies were also strongly influenced by the prevailing liberal culture and were into a lot of 'hugging' which just made things worse, offering even more temptations. There's a reason Scripture proscribes even apparently 'harmless' touching and why, at least when I was young, chaperoning was still regarded as the responsible thing to ensure no sexual impropriety ever took place. (We'll not get into the whole 'dating scene' which is fraught with risk). That church eventually (and necessarily) was disbanded, the daughter traumatised. What happened to those two ladies I do not know - but I learned a lesson early on that feminist (particularly aggressive third wave feminist) values are destructive TO THE WOMEN most of all.

That story is mild compared to what's going on in some modern churches. In Denmark I knew of a single female Lutheran 'priest' who took her liberalism and feminism even further and offered 'sex for comfort' for lonely male parishoners as part of their 'inner healing'. Need I say more? (Never mind the Bible says a minister must be a chaste married man). There is a reason Yahweh has set up such leadership structure in the local assembly and there's a reason we can't pick and choose the commandments we 'prefer'.

Yahweh has given us His sexual norms and rules in LEVITICUS 20. Those rules are immutable and have only ever been changed by the commandments and traditions of men and women. Everything you need to know about what's permitted and forbidden in sexual relationships is clearly stated there. To disobey Yahweh's ruling is sin, remembering that sin is defined in Scripture as breaking the mitzvot/commandments of Father's Torah/Law/Teaching.

The only thing that has changed was when the Saviour tightened up the lax divorce laws...which in our day have become even more lax than in the first century, even in the churches!

Yahweh's Davar/Word cannot return to Him void and woe betide anyone who tries to change it to 'fit' man's ever changing cultures.

See the Sex, Romance and Marriage website if you are in any doubt.

This page was created on 22 February 2025 Last updated on 22 February 2025

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