THE LOVE-HATE SYNDROME
A Deadly Illness
Many years ago, when I worked as a laboratory technician before going to university, I knew a young woman who had a love-hate relationship with her husband. Some days she would pour our her praises, love and devotion on him; on others she would spit acid and vitriol on him. She had, what is popularly called, a "love-hate syndrome".
Like most conditions of the human heart, this particular one is not always easy to understand, for the symptons can vary. Some, like this woman, can spew out love and hate in alternating bouts of great intensity so that everyone can see. Others simple bottle it up inside and project an indifferent, lukewarm attitude towards the one they "love-hate". And others reveal only one side, either trying to be loving (yet always managing to let the hate slip out) or going out of their way to hate (yet accidentally letting the love slip out).
How is it possible that one moment a person can be loving towards someone and the next be bitterly hateful? What is the explanation of these symptoms? How shall we diagnose them? How, indeed, can these two diametrically opposite states of heart co-exist?
I have, since knowing the young woman above, met many people who have suffered from this spiritual and psychological illness. And occasionally I myself have been the object of that love-hatred.
The Story of King Saul
One of the best known cases of a love-hate relationship in the Bible is that of King Saul for David. David was a person easy to love. He was, first of all, a man of God, and that in itself endowed him with many fine graces. He was fearless, a leader of men, and loved by his wives. But all of these qualities provoked an insane jealosy in King Saul, a jealosy fed by pride and insecurity. Repeatedly he tried to kill David and repeatedly he repented because of the love and kindness David showed him. His fate, as we all know, was tragic.
There is no doubt that Saul both loved and hated David. It was never all-out hatred (it rarely is). His salvation would have been assured, and his tragic death on Mt. Gilboa averted, if he had lived his religion. For Saul, religion was simply something to be used to prop up his political position. He even begged Samuel on one occasion to at least publically recognise him so that he could save face with his people even though he knew God had rejected him.
Saul was an admired and tireless worker for his people and they loved him for it. He had great natural ability and charisma. But he was a man of the world. If he had come to God with a broken and a contrite heart, hate would never have taken root in his soul and he would have ruled as a wise King. And David would have remained his true and loyal servant throughout his life, as indeed he tried to be even when Saul had set his heart to destroy him.
The worst thing about a love-hate syndrome is that hatred often tries to masquerade as love by hiding behind it. It always fails. The day before I set out for a missionary assignment in Bergen in October of this year I had a very lucid vision in which the Lord explained to me exactly what the love-hate relationship was. It was perhaps the most clear and simple vision I have ever had.
Before me I saw bright, scarlet red, and nothing else. It was so intense that there is nothing to compare it with in this sphere of existence. I was aware of movement from the top of the scene to the bottom. Presently I saw what looked like two blocks or cubes, also red though of a darker hue, and inbetween them were two taps, side by side, pointing in the opposite direction to the one I was moving in.
A short distance behind these taps was a sharp, clear, border in the form of a straight line, between this bright red area and an even brighter blue one. There was no fuzzy area between. A short way inside the blue area was a think white line like a path running along the edge of a courtyard. As I continued to move down I saw a fluourescent green light that moved from left to right, leaving a green trail behind it, like a pen drawing on paper. It moved quite quickly from the left, curved sharply around, and then disappeared back off the left hand side from where it had come. Moments later it reappeared but this time, having turned around, it joined with its tail to form a pulsating, green circle in the centre of the blue field. The vision then abruptly closed.
Instantly I knew the meaning of the vision. It was a depiction of the love-hate relationship, the love represented by the blue, and the hate by the red. There were two taps in the red field representing anger and jealosy but there were none in the blue. So long as these taps are there, the opposite taps of love and sacrifice cannot be. Instead there is but an endless circle of neutrality, of nothingness.
This flourescent green colour is one of the characteristics of the New Age Movement whose root is a belief of a non-personal god where love and hate, good and evil, are in a kind of perverse balance, and where Satan and God have equally important roles in the life of the universe and of men and women in it. It lies at the heart of all occultic and oriental mysticism. "Love-hate" is in actual fact a perfect representation of the New Age Movement's spirit for despite the warm and friendly exterior, there is a core of intense hatred inspired by the devil.
No Such Thing as a Love-Hate Relationship
In truth, there is no such thing as a love-hate relationship. Because if you hate, you can never love in the Christ-like way. The "love" of the love-hate relationship is a personal, selfish love which, once the hate is removed, soon disintegrates because it is fueled by the taps of hate and jealosy! You see, the energy of the love-hate relationship is coming from the hate side -- the taps, remember, were on the red side, and not the blue.
Jesus very plainly taught that you must either love of hate, that you can't do both, and he used numerous parables and illustrations to get His point home. "A fountain cannot bring forth both bitter and sweet water," He taught. And, "You cannot serve two masters -- you will love the one and end up hating the other." In exactly the same way, you cannot serve both hate and love at the same time -- you must choose between them or otherwise, as we saw in the case of King Saul, they will disintegrate into pure hatred.
And that, friends, is how Lucifer started his downfall. As a loving, caring Archangel of Light, he allowed jealosy and hatred in his heart that led to his fall as the archangel of darkness. If there is any hatred in your heart, don't led it wear the mask of love, but cut it out quickly. Jesus said that if your right hand offends you, it is better to cut it off and go into heaven maimed rather than to retain both hands in hell.
There is no doubt that the love-hate syndrome is a state of hell and that those living in such a state are emotionally and mentally crippled by it. The first step is realising that it exists at all, making a full and free confession, and asking Christ for complete deliverence. What frightens people who are in this condition the most is that the false love has to go as well. But this false love is by no means uncommon; all of those who are without Christ live in this false love, and when they surrender their lives to him, they must yield it and allow Him to plant the true sacrificial, Christ-like agapé love.
If you are afflicted by the love-hate syndrome, then I invite you to pray with me the following prayer:
If you have meant this then God, through Christ, will remove this love-hate from you and make you a new man or a woman. But you must be sincere and be willing to offer your whole life to Him on the altar of sacrifice.
Dear Heavenly Father, I confess before you that I am in an inner hell because of the love-hate syndrome. I desire deliverance from it with all my heart and ask You, In Jesus's Name, to completely remove the hate and the false love, and plant in its stead your pure, selfless love. I thank you that Your Son died for me on the Cross and that through His stripes we are healed of all illness. I thank you and praise you for deliverence and count this done. In Jesus' Name. Amen.
The love-hate sickness was nailed to the Cross at Calvary. Now is your opportunity, if you are afflicted by it, to have it forever nailed in death. A new life awaits you!
This page was created on 15 May 1998
Last updated on 15 May 1998
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