Change Me, Lord!
by Carol L. Mories
I became aware acutely aware of God's love for every single individual on earth -- past, present, and future -- during the summer of 1972. I was working the night shift in a cannery, the last place on earth I would expect God to reveal so important a thing in such a spectacular manner. But, then, at the time I also thought of myself as the last person on earth He would reveal this to.
I had attended college for two years and had done some things in those years for which I thought I could never be forgiven. I was hurting to the deepest parts of my soul. As a defence against the "pain" I had become cynical. My mother had reared me in such a manner that I had a deep, unshakable faith in the existence of God, but I had yet to formulate in my mind what this personage was exactly and what He expected from me.
So it was with all these mixed feelings that I went to God in fasting and prayer. I begged His forgiveness and asked Him to start the healing process to make the change in my personality which I knew I needed. All I was asking for was a beginning. What He gave me was a very precious gift, free.
On the third day of my fasting and praying (about 6.30 a.m., one half hour before quitting time) I was working on a belt sorting beans when, suddenly, my spiritual eyes were opened and I saw myself on the day of the second coming of our Lord (if I remain faithful).
I was dressed in a white robe and kneeling before Him in an attitude of prayer. I cannot describe the whiteness and only those who have seen it know why. I felt that I was first at His feet, but I knew there were millions around me who felt the same way. I always wondered what I would do for all eternity, but at that moment my only desire was to kneel before Christ and praise Him forever. I also wondered what would happen to those who were not privileged to be with Christ at this time, so I looked back to my earthly position and saw the face of a girl I knew. I do not mean to say that she was condemned; I believe she was used only because she served best to illustrate what I had wanted to know. She was looking at me and I saw the pride in her physical face crumble as she saw what she could have had. Pride had prevented her from asking Christ for His help.
I also felt my own helplessness, for only my faith in Christ helped me fight Satan.
It was quitting time and I physically walked out of the building, but my spirit was only starting to come back to this world. On my drives home from work in the early morning I was usually very impressed with the sunrises on the hills. This morning they could not begin to touch the beauty I had seen.
But as I slowly returned to reality Satan was waiting for me and he immediately set about making me feel his powers. He whispered that what I had seen was an illusion -- something I had made up in my imagination. He enveloped me in darkness and I felt I was being consumed by him. It was here that I so fully realised my complete helplessness against him. It is only by giving myself completely to Christ that he fought the battle for me. The only was I was able to convince myself that what I had seen was truly of God was by the effect it had on me. "Ye shall know them by their fruits" went through my mind over and over. Also, the whiteness was far beyond my poor imaginations ability. I was very humbled, not only by what I had seen but by the fact that God would show it to me. I had done nothing -- and never could do anything -- to deserve such a loving gift. I know that it was not for me alone; it was my call to service for others. Surely, if God could love me so much, can I do less? I wish to reach out in service as He continues to teach me how to love.
This page was created on 15 April 1998
Last updated on 15 April 1998