I had a short but stormy love affair with Krishna, and now that I have emerged from the veil of Maya I feel qualified to talk clearly of my spiritual experience. For this privilege I have only the Lord of Heaven and Earth [Yahweh] to thank.
I joined ISKCON like many other devotees because I was seeking the truth, and believed that this was where it was to be found. In my questions about the meaning of life the Prabhus of Krishna have me many satisfactory answers: "The reason for your anxiety", I was told, "is your mind. Your mind is a part of Maya, Illusion. When you chant the Mahamantra you say goodbye to your Maya-mind and enter the transcendantal state of bless which is Krishna concsiousness".
On the streets I noticed how happy the devotees seemed to be, and their orange robes were so much more attractive than the black habits of my religious tradition. Surely God - the Creative One - was on their side! To cut a long story short I joined the temple, had the customary haircut, and changed my jeans and jumper for an orange dhoti and kirtan.
"Once you become a devotee", by Prabhu told me, "your problems will disappear". As the days went by the opposite was the case. My problems, deep and psychological, began in earnest. I was torn between two forces: my head, which said "Just chant and everything is okay" and my heart which wouldn't keep quiet and gave me the constant feeling that something was wrong.
The one thing that the devotees claimed to have was the one thing they were missing - LOVE. I noticed signs of de-personalisation. When the devotees laughed they laughed with their mouths but not their eyes. Their eyes remained hard as steel - transcendental - like the round cold eyes of the deity on the altar. Bhakti Yoga was surely a strange cold love - unworthy of the name. Even the devotees, so peaceful on the streets, showed signs of occasional hatred behind the walls of the temple.
My heart won the battle and I ran away. When I returned to the World I felt sad because I thought that, like Arjuna on the battlefield, I had refused to fight. I still continued to chant and remained a vegetarian for months after I had left the temple. I still believed that Krishna was God.
Then the God of Love began to move in my life. I had sought Him and not found Him, and now He began searching for me. He spoke to me through books I "accidentally" came across, people I "accidentally" met, and situations in which I "acidentally" found myself. He introduced Himself to me by Name; and His Name was Yahshua (Jesus).
He taught me a thousand things, all in the space of a few short weeks. The veil of Maya was the veil of my sinfulness, and as I repented it lifted. Yahshua (Jesus) revealed Himself not only as the Son of God (man) but as God the Son (God). When I opened the door of my heart and let Him in He arrived and cleaned out the house of my body. I knew a peace I had never known before - a continual peace of mind and heart which was far greater, warmer, and truer than the brief transcendental "trips" which resulted from chanting to Krishna.
He showed me the Bhagavad Gita Chapter 10 verse 37 where Krishna admits to being the "Master of Demons", and the Bible verse in Matthew 28 verse 18 where He, Yahshua (Jesus), claims to be the Master of Heaven and Earth; and He summarised for me the deadly attraction of Krishna and the ISKCON movement in general in the simple words: "Satan masquerades as an angel of light" (2 Corinthians 11:4).
Reader, if you are sincerely seeking the Supreme Personality of Godhead, with a peaceful heart, I advise you to turn from Krishna to Christ (John 14:6). If you are NOT sincerely seeking the truth it's unlikely you'll have continued reading up to this point.
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