As more and more stories filter in of disasterous polygamous marriages and as I have looked closely at the root causes of these failed liasons, I have come to understand that there is yet one more aspect of human relationships both poorly understood and rarely touched that needs to be properly addressed as part of the restoration of this end-time biblical principle.
Everybody knows what 'sex' is ... or do they? In a world obsessively absorbed with this natural biological function, it is a wonder that it is actually so poorly understood. From the Satanists who use perverse sex to release psychic energy which is the fuel of demons (it both empowers and keeps them conscious) to 'orthodox' Christians who have been fed the lie by the master Catholic theologian Augustine whose anti-sex views have percolated down through almost the whole of Christendom, there is remarkable little understanding of just what this phenomenon is. Indeed there is a better understanding of what the power and force of sex is amongst occultists than there is amongst most of the followers of Yah'shua the Messiah (Jesus Christ).
Virtually all Christian views of sex (which are, incidentally, rarely biblical) have been influenced by Gnosticism. The Gnostics, who made early inroads into Christianity and who had a profound influence on Catholicism and subsequently Eastern Orthodoxy, regarded the flesh as evil and to be shunned. Modern Gnostic 'Christian' survivors of those early Gnostics, the Cathars, are still basically of this mindframe. Sex, it is believed by them, is something that belongs to the 'flesh' (physical body) and has no connectiveness to the spirit whatsoever. Therefore (the reasoning goes) the more spiritual you become, the less attached to sexual impulses you become. And if this is your view, then I must congratulate you for your neo-Catholicism - you are on your way to becoming a monk or a nun.
Lest anyone, at this early stage, be tempted to think that I am advocating Nicolaitianism or a doctrine that seeks to idolatrise and pervert sex, let me state for the record (and this will be born out in my many other writings on this site) that I do not give carte blanche to sex: sex is itself a morally neutral force - it's what you do with it that makes it good (by using it within Yahweh's moral and ethical boundaries) or evil (by wandering beyond that safe pale).
That sex is in some way connected to the physical body, hormone secretions, and the like, nobody denies. Only a blind person would deny that sex is built into the physical world as a means of propagating most species. Every flower you wonderously gaze at and every beast of the field is endued with a sexual drive by the Creator. At the risk of offending prudes, we are surrounded by sex at every hand.
But is sex limited to the physical body? Is it true to say that the spiritual man is a sexless being? Two millennia of Catholic doctrine has effectively desexualised man and woman and created a picture of heaven populated by sexually neutral beings lacking both the power of procreation as well as sexual attractiveness. And as was typical of the theology of the middle ages, literal p'shat scripture has been so allegorised as to make it unearthly. Little wonder that perversion has flourished in the sex-despising, monogamy-only and celebacy-exalting Catholic-Protestant world.
I was once of that school that said sex belonged exclusively to the physical body and that once we had laid our outer form in the grave we would enter a sexless realm in sexless bodies, retaining only a semblance of gender in our outward, resurrected form. I was taught that angels, spirits and resurrected personages had no genetalia at all. In the eternal world we would no longer be troubled by those pesky sexual urges.
My personal theology of sex has changed gradually over the years, even before I entered the polygamy arena. I couldn't help but notice that those angels who abandoned their first estate and chose to come down to earth in the days before the flood somehow possessed the ability to mate with human beings. And unless angels were originally endowed as semi-creators themselves, able to create or evolve sexual organs for their own pleasure (making them God-like), then I was left with the inescapable conclusion that angels did indeed possess gender and were thus able to mate with human beings. Over the years as both a pastor and a deliverance minister, I have increasingly come across the experiences of those (including my own third wife) who testify that many of their encounters with demonic entities were literally PHYSICAL. The result of this has convinced me that either demons have the capacity to take on a solid, material form at will or there is a class of demons who ARE 'physical' in some way. And I know from my own first hand experiences with good angels that these beings DO possess physicality - they are solid and tangible. They can be touched, embraced, and you can shake their hands. They are not whispy, etherial clouds of vapour.
But this is only one aspect. As a person who has worked closely with people possessed or troubled by demons, I have frequently come across a class of demons who have spiritual sex with their victims. Without wishing to go into details (which are pretty revolting), I have met many people involved in Mormonism, Wicca, Hinduism and Satanism who have been plagued by sex-demons that are able to physically manifest to varying degrees and with whom they actually copulate. They experience all that we commonly associate with 'sex'.
Demons crave sex. They are unable to have it lawfully because they rebelled from their assigned callings (their "first estate" - Jude 6, KJV) but possess the ability to partake of it. It is partly for this reason that sex figures so strongly in Satanism - not only are demons feeding off the psychic energy released by unlawful sex (it is literally 'spilled' into the ether rather like the sin of Onan ... in lawful sex it is exchanged between husband and wife and is not accessible to demons) but they are indulging in something sacred viâ rebellious, sinful human proxies which they have been denied in all eternity.
I wish to state categorically that at its heart sex is a spiritual phenomenon. It is something that is resident within our spirits as well as in our physical bodies. Whereas animals are driven for the most part by instincts to mate that are resident in their physical make-up, human beings possess an added dimension of sexuality which is found within their very spiritual makeup which is itself separate from the physical body. This I know without a shadow of a doubt.
When a husband and wife unite sexually, there is a meeting not only of two bodies (which makes them "one flesh") but a simultaneous meeting of spirits where the real joining or connecting takes place. That joining is initiated by the non-physical COVENANT of marriage in the presence of witnesses (which is Yahweh's Law of Betrothal) and is brought to its completion by the act of physical union. Because of the intimate connectivity of body and spirit (which the Bible, incidentally, always looks upon as a single unit until the two components are separated in death) a progressive linking of male and female spirits takes place on all planes - mental, emotional, physical ... and spiritual.
A man may sleep with a prostitute and unite with her physically and think that he is simply enjoying her body. But in the very act of intercourse he is participating in a spiritual mechanism by which he becomes joined spiritually to that prostitute. As a result of joining spiritually to her, he becomes joined - by the same process - to every other man she has slept with. And though he does not know it, he actually becomes joined in an ungodly POLYANDROUS 'marriage'. Worse, because such a union is ungodly, he is instantly connected to every unclean spirit associated with the prostitute and with all her present and former lovers. He links himself to a spiritual cesspool and opens himself up to demonic infestation which creates with him unnatural and ungodly urges for more impure sex.
Our world is full of human beings who have been sleeping around with others in ungodly unions. Every single unclean union creates a spiritual tie which is an open doorway to unseen and unfriendly realms. Every ungodly union creates an ever widening chasm between him- or herself and Yahweh. Our world is full of sexually demonised people. And with the epidemic rise of homosexuality and lesbianism, the spiritual bondage has become considerably greater.
There is a reason why patriarchs and polygamous women prefer to marry virgins. It is not because those who have kept themselves sexually pure are 'better' than those who have not (for we are all sinners) but because those who have kept themselves sexually pure are not plagued by impure spirits. And although such ministry is not very widely available, it is probably THE most important ministry (after leading souls to Christ and discipling in Yahweh's Torah) that there is. I am speaking of DELIVERANCE FROM DEMONS.
This is an unpopular topic because a good many Christians/Messianics refuse to believe they have demon problems. But I will state it clearly and unapologetically here, that just because a soul has received Yah'shua (Jesus) as Lord and Saviour does NOT mean he is necessarily demon-free. Though he may be declared legally righteous because of Christ's work on the Cross, he is not necessarily spiritually clean. And no amount of denial prompted by pride or bad theology will change that. It is the principal reason for the worsening divorce statistics even amongst believers.
The majority of believers today are converts. And the majory of converts come from sexually immoral lifestyles, as did the gentiles in Paul's day. And the majority of those convert Christians/Messianics have sex-demons in them (see Spotting Sex Rats in Polygamy). Without the proper breaking of ungodly ties, expulsion of sex-demons, and dismantling of demonic strongholds through the blood of Christ under the guidance of ministers who know what they are doing, Christian/Messianic marriages are going to be plagued with difficulties. Men and women are going to have unnatural urges, fears and fantasies, and find true and deep spiritual bonding in Christ fraught with difficulties. Initial desires to create romantic bliss are put on the shelf as couples try to adjust to one another and make the best of a spiritual situation they poorly understand and like even less.
This is bad enough in monogamy. But introduce this situation into POLYGAMY and you multiply the chaos over many, many times. This is one reason that so many modern Christian/Messianic polygamous marriages are failing. If you have been in ungoldly relationships involving fornication or adultery, don't even contemplate MONOGAMOUS marriage (let alone POLYGAMOUS marriage) until you have been cleaned out. It is better, in such a situation, to remain single. At the same time, do not believe that your situation is hopeless - it isn't. If your faith in Christ is true, your desire to be clean genuine, and you are willing to sacrifice ungodliness which may perhaps have masqueraded as something good, then this cleaning out can take place very quickly indeed. The blood of Christ is all-powerful. The only limitation is your willingness to live the way that our Heavenly Father, Yahweh-Elohim, has commanded ... which is another issue altogether.
What of those who have been married before and are divorced? Again, you have to be sure that you are divorced legally in Yahweh's eyes. If you are not, and you remarry, you run the risk of not only committing adultery yourself but of making your spouse an adulterer too. And if you are in a polygamous marriage, you make all the wives adulteresses by association! Making sure that Satan has no legal grounds to accuse you is therefore of paramount importance, both in terms of the eternities (which is what matters the most) and for a peaceful and happy marriage here on earth. Make sure, therefore, that you are in harmony with our Heavenly Father's Law, for if you are not, you cannot be properly covered by the blood of His Son.
There are many patriarchs who refuse to marry divorcees of any stripe or those who are not sexual virgins. Whilst they are to be commended for their caution and care, they are very often working out of a paradigm ignorant of spiritual processes and of the ability of the blood of Christ to clean. It is admittedly better to err on the side of caution than recklessness, but better still to be in Yahweh's will. I myself have given much careful consideration to these questions, being accutely aware of the potential dangers spiritually and physically not only to myself but also to my other wives.
All families in our Order go through deliverance ministry at least once a year during the Teshuvah Season culminating in the Day of Atonements. We call it the Day of Weighing, not for the purpose of condemning, but for the purpose of repenting and being cleansed by Christ. It is possible to have unclean sex even within marriage (such as during menstruation, violating the niddah law) which gives demons the legal right to cause problems. Yahweh's Laws were not created for His amusement or our misery, but for our protection. If He says not to do something, then the reason is love and concern. Sex during menstruation and anal intercourse are two examples.
Even once a person has been cleansed from the demons caused by previous liasons of fornication, soddomy, and/or adultery, there are still other important factors to be seriously considered. Whenever two people make sexual contact over a long period of time or with multiple partners, behavioural habits are established which resonate with the kind of 'spirituality' of the union. Thus the nature and quality of sex is determined by the spiritual state in which you are. In a virgin, the sexual 'force' (if I may be permitted to use that better understood term) is neutral, assuming that the virgin has not be indulging in sexual fantasy, masturbation, and the like. The sexual force is a very complicated thing and is shaped by not only our personality but by our thinking and feeling patterns also.
There may be said to be, broadly speaking, three kinds of sex:
- (a) Perverse sex, as mediated by demons;
- (b) Carnal sex, the basic animal instinct; and
- (c) Spiritual sex.
Even once perverse sex has been dealt with through deliverance ministry, the Christian/Messianic still faces certain unredeemed impulses that come from within his permanently portable Adamic sin-nature. Most Christians/Messianics seem to think that this is 'sex'. Well, it is and it isn't. It's one kind of sex. But there is a third type of sex, and that is the quality of sexual union between married spouses who are being sanctified (made holy and pure) in Christ. It is not a single 'entity' either but is a scale of increasing purity that is directly tied to the general process of purification.
When a woman marries a man, he becomes her head and covering. He sets the rules in the home and implements Torah. But as a sexual being himself, he also sets the sexual tone in his family. While his wife's sexuality will influence and change him, just as other facets of her being like her intellect, emotions, and spirituality will leaven him (and vice versa), he is, as the man, created with the divine mandate to set the standard and lead in harmony with Elohim's (God's) Word.
Every single individual is a finely tuned (or untuned) spiritual mechanism. When he is untuned, spiritual and physical disorders result. Whatever he is, he transfers to his wife. And whilst there is mutual transfer, it is the calling and responsibility of the man to be the "conductor" and leader in the 'tuning process'. He sets the standard not just of spirituality generally but also of sexuality. If he is a true leader and patriarch, he will set the sexual standard and lead his wife or wives in it.
Now I am not talking about sexual techniques here but of spiritual harmony. Because sex belongs to the spirit, the spirit will sing its own sexual song. And as the spouses become purer in Christ, so the sexual melody will become more refined and Christ-like. There is holy and unholy sex, even for those outwardly living the commandments.
This spiritual sex does, of course, express itself physically. And whilst there is a limited range of physical sex, there is most definitely a different rhythm, gentleness and wholeness when spiritual sex is compared with purely carnal sex. It isn't something that can be forced (for that then makes sex unnatural, unenjoyable and unproductive) but has to be grown into once the spouses understand what they are aiming for. For the most (and better) part it is unconscious, as is all spiritual sanctification.
Choosing the right marriage companions - those willed by Yahweh - therefore becomes even more important. If two people marry, one of whom is basically carnal and the other spiritual, the carnal partner will inevitably 'drag' down the spiritual spouse by shere force of sexual gravity. Alternatively, the spiritual spouse will resist this downward force and find deep dissatisfaction. And if he is polygamously married, he will transfer this unharmonious 'melody' to his other wives and drag the whole family down.
Polygamy is especially vulnerable to disturbance, disharmony and unhappiness on the sexual front if the wrong woman is brought into the family. Though many patriarchs have fooled themselves into believing that polygamy is simply a form of multiple monogamy consisting of several marriages, it is a delusion. Once you are one flesh and one spirit with more than woman, you create a one flesh-one spirit relationship with ALL of them. A man cannot compartmentalise himself without doing great psychological and spiritual damage to his soul. Such a man typically will put on a tough outer exterior in order to 'protect' the spiritual compartments which are the relationships he has with his spiritual wives. He may well succeed in doing this for a while but in the end tensions and deep inner disturbances will cause the artificial arrangement to come crumbling down. Or, as is common, sanctification will slow down and stop, and he, and his family, will spiritually fossilise. Such men carry a certain 'spirit' with them which is readily discernable by those of us who understand what I am talking about.
When a man and wife have a sexual union, there is a gradual convergence of sexual forces creating a single whole. If it meets sin-blockages, that union can be halted, reaching a plateau phase. Once such plateaux have been reached, a relationship stagnates (even though they may convince themselves it hasn't and create various masks to conceal it). When a new wife comes into a polygamous relationship, a new spiritual union results.
At all times the husband must be sensitively aware of the sexual (and other) forces that a new wife beings into his family. He will naturally want to 'let go' and simply 'merge' with his new wife but this he dare not do if he has a heart and mind for the goal of sanctification. He must set the tune or melody of the sexual life and gently and non-compulsively guide his new wife along the path which Yahweh has ordained for him, yielding to those virtues and qualities which are transferred through intimate union by selectively opening the doors of his soul to them and then unconsciously transferring them to his other wives by intimate union with them.
I realise that for some reading what I am saying that this may sound like fairy tale or mumbo-jumbo thinking. I do assure you it is not. And if the high incidence of failure in Christian/Messianic polygamous families is going to be stemmed, as well as the disturbing hardness and artificial harmony that seems to be occurring in many families who are working in the multiple-monogamy paradigm, I would appeal to the reader to soberly consider what I am saying. There are many conflicting voices in Christian/Messianic polygamy, all claiming to be wise teachers, many of whom are walking towards a cliff. Though patriarchs are supposed to lead, they are not supposed to do so in vain confidence, but in wisdom and understanding.
Polygamy is a little more complex than a rooster managing his hens
When a divorcee comes into a new family (monogamous or polygamous), unlike the virgin, she brings with her a developped sexuality formed by her previous marriage(s). She will have responded to the wants and demands of her previous husband and will have attuned herself to his spirituality in her sexual contact. For such a person, especially if she was previously married to an unbeliever or an unsanctified believer, a process of relearning is, with few exceptions, absolutely required. This is not to say that she is inexperienced in physical techniques - indeed, there she may even have something positive to contribute - but it is to say if she is joining a new family with a particular sexual melody that has as its harmonic a life in Christ, that she will have to relearn much. Again, this will take time, care and patience. An experienced and mature patriarch in such a situation must know what spiritual doors to open or keep closed, and will need to spend time teaching her the spiritual goals of the family. The same spiritual tuition will be needed of those who have been in other kinds of sexual liasons before marriage.
Because sex is a spiritual phenomenon, it obeys the same rules and follows the same processes of a spiritual life in Christ generally. Sex and marriage is much more subtle and fragile than many realise, and more so in a polygamous situation. Hence no-one should really be entering Christian/Messianic polygamy who has not first been well educated in what it actually is, what to expect and what to do. Having mature counsellors is essential. It is for the reason that Yahweh told me that at this time the only persons being called into Christian/Messianic polygamy are those who will be counsellors to others coming later, viz. Pastors and Elders (see A Fourth Vision).
At this ministry we have a rather unique vision of Christian/Messianic polygamy that differs from the other ministries, though perhaps over the years others have started imitating us to one degree or another. Our calling (2001) is not only to bring order to the current chaos in Christian/Messianic polygamy (to those who will listen) but to layout the blueprint for this lifestyle in its coming millennial context. For many, polygamy is just an outlet for men with untamed libidos whose behaviour lends justification to the criticisms of the monogamy-only camp. For others it is just a 'fad' they don't want to miss. Even many of the women are coming to polygamy for all the wrong reasons, seeking it as a bread ticket or a sanitarium for failed monogamous marriages. And sadly, many of the men who claim to have been called into polygamy aren't even qualified to live monogamous marriage. When someone comes along who has three or four failed monogamous marriages in his history and claims he has been called to be a polygamist to 'help' women from failed marriages by marrying half-a-dozen of them, you're dealing with someone who needs help himself, no matter how impeccable his theology may be.
One needs more than theology to enter polygamy. Firstly, one needs an unmistakable call from Yahweh (and not some vague impulse from the carnal nature that 'seems' like the Spirit), and secondly, if a patriarch, very obvious leadership and pastoral skills, or one who has them who can be a good tutor. Polygamy isn't just several monogamous marriages rolled up into one - it is something infinitely more complex. If done right, it brings beauty, bliss and peace. If done wrong, you might as well have bought yourself a matinée ticket to hell.
Polygamy isn't what it seems to be on first inspection. Make sure you know what you're dealing with first. A careful study of this site might help.
Author: SBSK
