Chapter 9

A Bride for Karl

Signild didn't turn her bedside light off until just after four o'clock in the morning. First she read through the two books slowly, making sure she understood all the Norwegian words, for though Norwegian and Swedish sound similar, they are written very differently. By the time she had gotten through the first volume the second time round, she had read enough. Huge chunks of the Adventist edifice had come crashing down and the feeling of devastation was enormous.

She knew that if her father should ever read this material that he would denounce it as a malicious slander in spite of the incontestible evidence. There were still many things which at 20 she found difficult to understand, but she was intelligent, had a photographic memory and was a fast learner.

She wanted to talk to Karl in private but it was such a small house and the weather outside was so awful that morning that she didn't know what to do. And they could hardly go to town as most of the public places would be closed. Her father would be at work the next day but that would still leave her mother as a potential eavesdropper. There were only five more days left before Karl would return north and she was loathing it as only lovers can.

For his part, Karl was deeply impressed by Signild and all thoughts of Maria had vanished. Here was a young woman who was committed and dedicated to what she believed in. He thanked the Lord that He had saved so much youth in the SDA Church from many of the evils of society and began to understand it's important rôle in the end times.

"I know," said Signild getting an idea. "You can talk with Mamma and Pappa while I surf around on the net and read your Order's homepage. You tell me what to read and then I can get a better idea of who you people are!"

Karl liked it but chuckled when he thought of how she would react seeing a website containing several thousand articles. He gave her the URL but warned her that some of the things might send her into shock, and got her to promise not to say anything until they could be alone together again.

So while Signild read, Karl talked with the elder Högström who did his best to steer away from religious topics of conversation. So he talked about his father, Alf Högström, who had volunteered to join the Finnish air force in 1940 to fight the Soviets in the Winter War when the USSR had invaded their homeland in a bid to grab territory. This time it was Karl's turn to listen, which helped restore the elder Högström's dignity after his ignominious defeat in the car the day before.

For an hour-and-a-half Karl listened to wartime heroics as one type of plane after another was described - Curtis Kittyhawks, Fokker Twin Wasps, Moranes, Gloster Gladiators, Avro Ansons, Dorniers, Tupolevs, Messerschmitts, and dozens of others which he had never heard of before. If only Brother Stan had been here, he thought to himself, for Stan seemed to know something about almost everything and could engage in any kind of conversation on equal terms. Seeing that Karl was straining to keep awake, Carin Högström interceeded with some steaming hot cocoa and Maryland cookies, much to Karl's delight. The elder Högström was full of cheer and the theological differences of the previous day were for a time forgotten. Karl had learned how far you could go with certain people, and how far you shouldn't. He did not want to make the old man an enemy because he believed both in striving for unity in the Body of Christ and also because he sincerely wished now to win the hand of his daughter. Better to cultivate good personal relations, he thought to himself, and leave the sabre-clashing to another day. There would be other opportunities for theological combat which might be more productive.

"Aren't you coming to talk to your guest?" called Bertil to his daughter who had been surfing for nearly two hours. "There's some hot cocoa for you here!"

"OK, Pappa," she said, realising that perhaps she had already gotten away with too much. She didn't want to appear antisocial. She slid next to Karl at the kitchen table at shoulder-nudging distance so that it was obvious to both her parents where her affections were developing. Carin smiled inside, for she was a softie and always delighted in romance - she thought that Karl was such a nice boy and hoped secretly that he would return to the Adventist Church so that there would be family unity if he ever married their daughter.

Karl told the family about his work helping his father at Kadesh-Naphtali and his interest in farming. Bertil was an engineer for the national telephone company, Telia. Signild was a trainee teacher at Jönköping Polytechnic, specialising in infant education. Karl found it hard picturing her amongst small children with her strong personality but she seemed to thrive in the world of little ones and wanted nothing better. That afternoon, once the weather had cleared up, they went down to Lake Vättern and skated for an hour on its frozen surface before retiring to the house again. The couple laughed and enjoyed each other's company. It was as though they had grown up together and never been apart.

That evening Signild went back on the Internet whilst Karl watched some TV, something he hardly ever did back home. He felt revolted by most of what he saw, so accustomed had he become to a purer and more refined lifestyle free of worldly vices and music. He felt heavy from all the immorality on display.

Maria, he knew, would have been hooked ... it was the first time he had thought about her since arriving at Jönköping and for a moment felt a twinge of guilt. Stan had such high hopes for them both and he wished with all his heart to please Brother Stan who had given him and his family so much to live for. But now Signild had come into his life and she seemed to be everything that he had ever wanted in a woman. Under no circumstances, he thought to himself, would he ever give Signild up for Maria. Suddenly, he resented Maria and wished that she would go away. Why should he have all the hassel of an impulsive, rebellious and half-Christian girl? He didn't care if she was the Patriarch's daughter. Now, suddenly, all that he wanted lay before him and for the first time he began to think as a potential monogamist.

His thoughts raced about as both temptation and guilt assailed him in a whirl of imaginary choices and their likely consequences. Signild loomed larger than life and he began to fear that his growing affections for her might drown out all rationality and even lead him to betray the work that his parents were now engaged in. Then he remembered Stan's beautiful family and saw, with all its force, the ugly, demanding and selfish nature of the flesh. He kicked himself inside. Would he be willing to forego the vision that the Królewiecs had shown him for a Seventh Day Adventist girl who for all he knew might, in the end, not have long-term compatibility? Did he really know for sure whether the Holy Spirit was leading him into this relationship or was it just his awakening flesh? The testosterone surges were new and disturbing for him. He hadn't felt for a girl like he did for Signild. It was all so new and exciting. But at the same time the Spirit would not let him get carried away. He must remember His first love (Revelation 2:4) and not let himself be swept off his feet by romantic love. But how hard it was maintaining this balance! How did Stan and Björn manage? They must be spiritual giants, he thought to himself. No, he would remain spiritually awake, and bring the flesh under the dominion of the Spirit. He knew the dangers. Why, he had the folly of Maria before him as a witness all the time.

Maria - was she really all that bad? He saw her potential. She said that she was reforming but all the evidence seemed to point in the other direction. What if she suddenly reformed and he fell madly in love with her? What if she accepted plural marriage? Would she, finally defeated in the flesh and victorious in the spirit, rise above the glory of Signild? Would he abandon his faith and become an Adventist just to get a woman who was responding to his interest in her, and perhaps lose even more?

He didn't remember much of what had been on the TV for the previous hour and was glad. It was some violent macho thriller movie plentifully laced with impure sex. He was disappointed that the Högströms seemed to be absorbed in it but knew how easy it was to get sucked in the world when you were bombarded with its deadly waves day after day. It numbed the spirit, made your affections insensible, mutated and deformed your thinking. No, he would not allow TV into his home when he got one should the opportunity ever present itself.

At nine o'clock the TV was turned off and Bertil retired to bed with Carin as he would have to arise at six o'clock the following morning. Signild was still on-line which had irritated her father who thought she was neglecting her guest. She read on for another hour until her eyes were red and she could read no more. Karl stood behind her with his hands gently resting on her shoulders - she reached back to touch his right hand with her left.

"What do you think?" asked Karl.

"It's amazing - there's so much and it's so deep! I never realised that there was so much more to the Gospel!"

She paused staring at the screen, and started gently stroking his hand.

"But there's a lot I don't understand too. It's so different from what I've been brought up to believe."

The couple retired to the sofa. Signild had come across references to plural marriage which she had at first glossed over but then returned to, filled with curiosity. She hadn't found Stan's homepage yet. If she had, it might well have blown her mind. For now, it was just sandwiched inbetween hundreds of other topics and so seemed smaller than it actually was to people like Karl. At first she hadn't stopped to think of the consequences of what plural marriage might mean until the subject had appeared in another topic in the context of the Millennial reign. Now Adventists do not believe in an earthly Millennium for Ellen White had taught that the earth would be laid waste and be inhabited by imprisoned demons. The saints, the Adventists were taught, would all be in heaven. So the concept of Christians marrying polygamously during the Millennium on earth had no context for her.

One by one memories of the patriarchs in the Old Testament came back to her. They had had a dreadful time, she concluded. Unlike most women who could only see plural marriage from the women's point-of-view, Signild found herself at once sympathising with Abraham having a maid-servant thrust on him by his impatient wife, or with Jacob for being tricked with the wrong wife by his mean uncle. She saw it all as an unfortunate mistake for both sexes, and not some terrible oppression foisted on women by domineering macho men. She looked to Isaac and Joseph as more closely matching her ideals.

But Isaiah 4:1 had bothered her. If this was a millennial prophecy, then if Adventist doctrine was true, it meant that plural marriage would be practiced in heaven since there would be no earth left for them to practice it down here on. That at once created a contradiction in her mind, since she had been taught, like nearly all other Christians, that there was no marriage in heaven. From this she concluded that the Adventists had to be wrong - if there was no marriage in heaven, then there had to be marriage somewhere since here were these husbandless women desperately trying to find men polygamously to take away the stigma of their singleness. If they were in heaven, and there was no marriage there, why would they be bothered? That meant that there had to be a Millennium on the earth ... proving yet another Adventist error.

It was in that mindframe that she started questioning Karl. Yes, he had replied, the Millennium is on the earth. No, he didn't believe there was no marriage in heaven even though he conceeded that his was a minority position in the churches. Yes, he believed that plural marriage was of God since here was God sanctioning it. No, he didn't believe that all Christians would be called into it, at least, not before the Millennium.

Then came the cruncher: "Do you believe God has called you to be a polygamist, Karl? she asked, staring him right into his eyes so that her gaze penetrated deep into his soul.

Karl was utterly flummoxed. He hadn't expected her to be so direct so quickly. And there was a trace of condemnation in her eyes that sent an icy lightening-bolt through his body. He tried to pull himself together and to think how Stan would have handled such a situation. Stan never allowed his opponents or critics to assume a position of authority otherwise he would then suddenly find himself on the defensive. And as all military leaders know, you lose twice as many men retreating from your enemy as you do in advancing on him. Still, what was he to say to this daring and forthright woman whom he loved and was suddenly afraid to lose?

Signild was as afraid as Karl was. Her love for him demanded that he say no, but the homepage she had read almost certainly increased the odds that this was his belief. Half of her wanted to hit him at once and the other half run as far as she could as she dreaded his answer. And then there was this tiny little voice inside which was urging her to caution and to check her passions. She too did not want to lose him but for the first time in their brief romance realised that maybe now was the moment which might force such an unhappy conclusion. And if it were true that he believed in this antiquated principle from the primitive, nomadic, rural past, could she bear to remain with him knowing that perhaps he had other girl-friends? What if he even already had one or more wives? That would be impossible, then. She might hold on to him to win him back to Christian norms and so preserve her heart if he were still single, but if there were already others?? Pain, fear and outrage seemed to alternately spin around her dazed but clamouring head - a head that wanted the answers fast so that she could stand on terra firma again and so fight or take flight.

Then it came to him - straight out of nowhere. After a few seconds of silence which seemed like a lifetime, he suddenly spoke:

"If I told you that I ate human flesh and drank human blood, would you still like me?"

Now it was Signild's turn to be shocked, and for a moment the plural marriage question was dislodged from her tongue where it had hitherto stubbornly stuck, waiting to be spat out with as many barbs as she could fasten to it.

"What do you mean?" she almost choked on her words because of the surge of emotions that had welled up inside her.

"Simple," replied Karl. "Jesus said that His gospel was not for the weak-hearted. He said that it would bring contention in families, dividing them into warring factions, because it not only demanded everything of them but also expected them to lay to rest centuries-old traditions. He said that His gospel would bring a sword to the world, dividing people into two camps: His true followers and all the rest. He taught that His disciples would either be loved or hated and nothing inbetween. And to make sure they got the point, He challenged them to eat His flesh and drink His blood."

Karl was shocked by his own answer. He began to sound like Stan did, speaking with authority. "Is this what Yah'shua meant when He said the Holy Spirit would teach you what to say when you needed to say it?" he thought to himself.

Even Signild's mouth had dropped open with surprise for this was not the answer she had expected. She thought she had cornered a rat and was about to deliver the fatal blow. Instead, she heard the voice of a prophet or a great preacher. She knew this wasn't Karl speaking but someone else. And she was scared.

"You ask the kind of question that divides people, sending the majority into an uncontrollable, demonic rage. But God's people listen respectfully, chosing to judge nothing prematurely. Now be truthful with me, Signild - were you not a few moments ago hovering on the edge of resentful anger?"

Karl couldn't believe what he was saying - this wasn't the easy-going Swede speaking, but someone much more powerful. It made him glow with gratitude inside.

Signild started shaking. She had never heard anyone speak like this before, or who seemed to discern her very thoughts and feelings, and she was afraid. What should she say? Karl's rebuke was stern and she could not withstand it because she knew it was born of righteousness and truth. It was as though some invisible hand had taken the cage that was her body and had shaken it violently until all the dust and dirt had fallen off it. Though Karl was by now sitting next to her on the sofa, he might just as well have been hovering in the air holding a golden sword, for that is how he appeared to her - like an angel of God.

The wind was out of her. She opened her mouth and began to speak as tenderly as a mother. Her soul was suddenly soft and supple. What terrible thing had she done in asking the question she had? But now the question seemed meaningless to her. Karl's answer had been swift and terrible, like a rebuke from the throne of heaven. God had spoken to her but she had not understood the words. She began to tremble.

Karl took her empty hand and held both tightly in his and looked kindly into her eyes and for a moment he saw a little scolded child who was willing to be more compliant in order to assuage that terrible corrective voice.

"I am not married," said Karl quietly now, "but when I am, it shall be to more than one woman. That is why I told you not to get too close to me emotionally before you knew who I really was. "

"Is there another woman in your life right now?" she asked, still trembling.

"There is one who wants to marry me but she is not ready, and I will not have her until she is. She wants me all for herself which can never be, because God has spoken to me."

Was he copying what the other patriarchs had said, or was he really now called of God into this principle? Yes, he knew now. Yahweh had spoken to him with great power just a few moments before - he knew.

"And where does this leave me?" asked Signild, begining to feel sorry for herself.

"It leaves you where you want to be," said Karl softly. "I am here for you if you want me, but you have to take me as I am and as God has called me."

"Will you miss me if I don't take you?" She wanted reasurance that she was loved.

"Yes, I will miss you - a lot," said Karl truthfully.

Signild felt a little better.

"But I would rather miss you than miss the companionship of my Lord and Saviour if I ever have to make the choice between you and Him," he added, almost regrettfully.

She winced inside. She wanted to be adored and worshipped, not shared or put in second place to God. The truth of her carnality and idolatrous wishes suddenly hit her and she was ashamed yet again.

"It's too much," she said, shaking his hands up and down as though hoping a solution would fall out of them which would make it all a lot simpler. But the hands remained clasped around hers and nothing came out.

"No," insisted Karl, "it's too little."

Signild looked perplexed.

"If the Way of Christ seems too hard it is because you are giving too little."

Where were these words coming from? It was as though an invisible prompter was giving him all the right things to say. Not only was he talking but listening and learning at the same time too. And what was even more amazing to him was that Signild hadn't stood up and walked away. Something was holding her to him - defying her fleshy thoughts, challenging her to sit and wait for better things to come.

"What are Mamma and Pappa going to say?" she said, looking forlorn suddenly.

She spoke as though she had already made the decision to see the plural marriage thing through and it was Karl's turn to be astonished again. He couldn't believe what was happening.

"You may never be able to tell them," said Karl.

She looked at him dolefully.

"That's not fair."

"Nothing in this world is fair. All that matters is whether it is right in God's eyes. Why, Jesus couldn't even say who He was to His disciples until they got a direct word from the Father that He was the Christ," said Karl.

"You mean, Peter at Caesarea Philippi?" she asked.

"Yes. All Christians must carry burdens, and learn to do so cheerfully, knowing that they are in God's will, and therefore His love and care."

"I don't think I could do it," she said, still looking miserable.

"Thank goodness for that. If you thought you could, I'd know you couldn't," said Karl, still astonished by the things that were pouring out of his mouth.

Signild looked at him blankly.

"Plural marriage can't be lived by fallen human beings. It's success depends on those who belong to God living it. That's why it's so special. It ensures that you are living in Him."

"What, even the men?" she asked, coming out of the doledrums suddenly.

"Yes. Even them," said Karl.

"But how would you know? You're not even married!" she said, challenging him for a moment.

"I know men who are. I've seen it work," said Karl.

This was an unusual way to come into a plural marriage discussion. It just didn't follow the "rules" of discussion. The well-worn paths of the plural marriage pioneers like Stan just weren't being taken. Worse, Karl had no idea where it would end. He just had to trust in the Lord to do things His way.

"How can I know about this way of life? How can I see it in action?" she asked, not a little curious.

"I suggest you start with Stan's Holy Echad Marriage homepage. There are lots of articles, questions-and-answers, interviews, and the like. When you've digested them, then maybe you can come and meet everyone. Maybe you can come sooner, I don't know. But they don't invite anyone they can't trust. There are too many crazy people who want to destroy them so they keep their heads down, if you know what I mean. I probably shouldn't even be talking to you right now ..."

"Why, don't you trust me?" asked Signild, now offended.

"I suppose I do, otherwise I wouldn't have told you. But I am taking a big risk. It's the children they worry most about, not themselves. They've been persecuted before. They are careful because of their little ones whom they love with all their hearts."

Now these were the right words for Signild to hear because she had a heart for little children. She could understand with her heart why they had to be careful. And Karl meant what he had said - he wasn't manipulating her. Quite the opposite. He was just simply letting the Lord take over.

"If I read the whole of Stan's site before you leave, will you take me back with you to Kopparberg for a week? I'll have a week before I have to go back to college!"

Suddenly she was enthusiastic but couldn't understand why. But somehow that fleshy voice was being kept at bay. She didn't care how - she only knew that she felt wonderfully at peace with the Spirit that was now working in her, and she wanted it to stay that way.

Karl was taken aback.

"What will your parents say?" he asked, forgetting she was an adult, and apologised. "Can you afford it?"

She thought a moment. "I think so."

Karl remembered that he had brought Stan's site with him on a disk.

"You needn't go on-line. I have Stan's site on on a flashdrive. Don't you have your own computer in your room?" he asked.

"Yes. I'll read it tonight," she said, lighting up again. All she wanted now was to stay with Karl. 

"But you mustn't stay up all night, Signild. That site's a lot bigger than those two booklets you read the other night, you know. Promise me you won't stay up too late?"

She smiled, leaned across to kiss his forehead, and leaped to her feet.

"The flashdrive, please?" she asked.

This lady didn't mean to waste any time. Karl liked that. He liked her more and more with every passing minute and could hardly believe that things were turning out the way they were. They went up the stairs, he handed her the flashdrive, and they said good night. Carin appeared at her door to wish them both good night, though probably she was doing a little motherly policing too to make sure the young 'uns didn't get up to anything untoward or unchaste.

Signild read the whole site, staying up until after four o'clock in the morning yet again. But she didn't feel guilty as she hadn't promised Karl anything. She grinned at her victory - about the only fleshy one she'd had that evening.

Signild Högström was to tell everyone later that her whole life had been changed in two nights. On the first, she had had much of her Seventh-Day Adventist faith demolished before her eyes, and on the second, she had been converted to the doctrine of Christian plural marriage. And Karl was to bless the Lord for inspiring him to bring along the two booklets and the flashdrive which he had nearly left behind.

The couple travelled up to Kopparberg by train together and both were in the seventh heaven. He had telephoned home from town to tell them that he would be bringing a visitor with him if his father would give his permission. Once he had heard Karl's story, Bengt was in no doubt as to the appropriateness of the visit, but had to seek Stan's permission too, who asked to speak to Karl himself. When Stan was satisfied, the green light was given. Karl was over the moon.

------

It did not take Maria long to hear the news of the forthcoming visit and she was almost besides herself with grief. But Stan was not too sympathetic.

"I warned you not to mess around with the Lord, and I told you that His day of grace wouldn't last forever," said Stan sternly. "Now you can see the truth for what it really is. Karl has found a wife so if you still want him you're going to have to accept both of them now. He will not become a monogamy-only husband. It's too late for that now."

The tears lasted a short while and then she angrily scribbled a note: "It won't last - I know it won't!!"

Stan threw up his hands in exasperation and complained to Suszana:

"Never have I met such a stubborn foolish girl in all my life, and it happens to be someone born of my own loins! She will have to be taken to the very brink before she comes to her senses. May the day of grace not be too short."

For Suszana, a complaint against Maria was a complaint against herself, because she knew she was partly responsible for the mess that Maria was inside. She knew that much of the stubborn temperament was her own for she too had tried to hold out against the Spirit for so many years until the inevitable truth had to be painted on a wall in front of her nose in big bright letters. Stan regretted that he had complained in front of her when he saw her sorrow, and comforted her.

Bengt and and Michäela were besides themselves with joy when they heard that their son had at last found a mate, and picked the couple up at Mora railway station. For a week Signild was shown around Kadesh-Naphtali and met all the community members. She was overwhelmed by the welcome and the love that was showered on her, and was even more amazed to see plural marriage in action. The only person who would not greet her was Maria who kept right out of her way, peering out of her room to get a glimpse of her new enemy. She stayed in her room that evening during the Sabbath meal when the whole Kadesh-Naphtali community formally assembled.

She would not have anyone visit her or try to console her. She knew what everybody would tell her and she didn't want to hear the truth again. She now wanted to hate Karl but knew that if she took that step that Satan might seize her for good, and she was afraid of that. She would remain concealed for the whole week until her hated competition had gone and then, she convinced herself, Karl would come crawling on all fours to her. But she could not see how spiritually repulsive she had become, and how she might as well have been at the opposite side of the universe to Karl and in the midst of the largest black hole, for compared to the light that Signild was radiating, she was worse than dead. But she could not see it still, for carnal illusion still held her in its foul and merciless grip.

If only another man would come along, then she'd show Karl! But none did, and she was too afraid to leave the security of her parents, perhaps the only ones who could understand her and whom she knew loved her in spite of herself.

Karl and Signild were dedicated before the whole community the day before she returned to Jönköping. It was January 8th and the betrothal had been set for April 6th at the same time that Hilda and Silvia were returning to be betrothed themselves and to settle permanently in the community. Spring would be a happy time for Kadesh-Naphtali for not only would there be three betrothals but two full marriages as well - those of Elisa and Salme to Stan.

The perennial and tiresome question of to whom and how much to tell rose its irritating head once more. What should Signild tell her parents? They would be sure to want to come and visit Kopparberg to see their daughter and to attend any wedding. That was inevitable since they lived so close. That Karl's parents were monogamous helped considerably for the Högströms would naturally be their hosts. They would not be invited to the betrothal, when too many other weddings would be taking place, but to the full marriage the following July, which simplified matters a little.

Bertil and Carin Högström received the news of the engagement of their daughter with mixed feelings, partly because they knew so little about Karl's own faith except that he was sabbatarian like, they supposed, themselves, and this meant a lot to Adventists, and this was therefore a definite plus in his favour. (They did not at this stage know that New Covenant Christian seventh-day sabbatarianism was based on the biblical Creation Calendar and not the Roman Gregorian one). It would be up to Signild to map out New Covenant theology for them, leaving out the plural marriage part that would create a storm. As a matter of principle Karl sought out the elder Högströms' consent and blessing on the marriage, which was expected in the patriarchal community wherever humanly possible, which he had little alternative but to give. He did like Karl but had understandably felt that the dice had gone in the wrong direction so that instead of winning a backslidden son-in-law back to Adventism, he had lost his only daughter from the faith. But he figured it could have been a lot worse - she might have become a Mormon, Catholic, or member of one of the other cults. He believed that he might still win the couple back to his faith.

But if the truth be known he thought it unlikely, Stockholm had never replied to him and he could find no-one to explain Karl's two scriptures which were like a pair of grenades with the pins pulled out ready to go off in his hand to demolish his belief system.

For Signild and Karl there was really only one problem they hadn't sorted out, and that was Signild's education. Her course would finish in the summer, just before the scheduled marriage, but in order to finish it she would need to continue attending college in Jönköping. Commuting at weekends to Kopparberg was out of the question economically. Karl couldn't very well live with the Högströms in Jönköping for whom betrothal had no meaning. Transferring her course to a nearby college seemed impractical for only three months though she would try to complete it at Börlange rather than live away from Karl during the bethrothal period. Neither wanted her to abandon the course which would give her useful qualifications for schooling the small children at Kadesh-Naphtali.

In the end, the College agreed only to transfer her course to Börlange if she would begin the new semester there immediately. The Högströms were none to happy with the suggestion but had little to say on the matter. Within ten days it had been sorted out and Signild was back with her beloved Karl at least at weekends, much to Maria's chagrin. The breather she had wanted had been rudely snatched away from her and she was faced with the possibility of having to miss every Sabbath dinner in order not to see Signild or be seen by her. She felt caught like a rat in a trap.

Poor Maria. She felt as though the world had caved in on her, yet it was her own fault, and she knew it. Now she would really have to crawl on her fours in order to be accepted by Karl who was now completely and unreservedly in love with, and dedicated to, another.

Karl knew what was happening to Maria but his love for Sighild had not made him indifferent or cold towards her.

One day he came to see her at the herrgård. Suszana came to tell Maria that she had a visitor but she didn't know what to do. She wanted to run in both directions, both to him and away.

"Karl is waiting for you in the hall," Suszana reminded Maria. "What do you want me to say to him?"

She said nothing.

"He says it is very important."

Maria's ears pricked up - perhaps he had come to his senses. Maybe the engagement to Sighild had been cancelled! Foolish child, so drowned in her illusions; but it enabled Karl to make his one last plea to her.

The two went into the library and sat opposite each other at a large table. It was too provocative for Karl - too confrontational - but he dared not sit with her on a sofa.

She was a pitiable sight, her hair unkempt and clearly not washed for days. He could not imagine why he was there, but the Spirit had spoken to him and he had a message to deliver to her. He wanted to ask her how she was but he knew the question would practically be an affront.

"Have you made your decision as to what you want to do?" asked Karl, skipping the pleasantries.

Maria remained silent and looked straight past him at a shelf full of books.

"As you know," he continued, "Signild and I are getting married in July. We are to be betrothed in April. She accepts the principle of plural marriage and I am sure to expand my family when the Lord calls me to."

"How nice for you both," she said sarcastically.

Karl did not want to go on. Why should she? She was impossible and utterly repulsive. He would rather marry a vegetable than the apology of a woman who sat opposite him who was so wrapped up in her own self-inflicted misery.

"I have a message to you from the Lord ... "

She glanced at him and returned her gaze to the books. A red one caught her attention and she focussed on that, trying not to listen too hard and hoping to create a dramatic picture of superior indifference.

"You have until April 6th to make up your mind whether you want to marry me polygamously under the terms I gave you. Thereafter the offer is closed. If nothing happens by then, and you choose to carry on the way you are, I am absolved of my responsibility to you."

It didn't sound the way he had wanted it to, but it was hard to feel warmth for the ice-cold statue of a person who sat across the table. He felt like the prophet Hosea who was commanded by Yahweh to marry a prostitute. How could he make a proposal of marriage when he felt so utterly repelled? What little faith he had had in Maria was fast disappearing. Then he remembered her mother and father who were besides themselves with worry for her, and the first rays of compassion began to return to him. Why couldn't he love her as Christ loved her? He knew he should. Didn't Christ love him, a part of the unworthy bride? He rebelled inside, for he was being asked to give more than brotherly compassion - he was being asked to give his body and soul to her, and his spirit simply recoiled at the thought. But he would be obedient.

Maria didn't answer him but got up and left. What did she care any more? She was dangerously close to the point of no return and knew it. It would require a herculean effort of will to steer away from it and save her soul from the abyss whose jaws lay gaping in front of her. They would have closed if she had rejected Karl but she stubbornly persisted in her impossible demands.

She had a nightmare that evening and dreamed she was standing at a crossroads. Ahead of her lay a great, yawning pit and from it she heard the most terrible cries. Her blood curdled. To the left there was a man whom she had never seen before, who appeared quite plain. He looked dull and not particularly attractive. There was a small solitary girl standing behind him, as though playing hide-and-seek. To the right stood Karl dressed in long white robes. On his right side was Signild, and behind him were half-a-dozen other women whom she had never seen before. All were dressed in white robes and all were bathed in white light. Behind them were many children which she could not count.

She awoke in a sweat, shaking. The Lord had shown her the three choices she faced. To carry on as she was and fall into the pit of hell, or reject Karl and turn to the left to a husband and one child, or to the right to Karl and his wives and children. She had been standing at the very crossroads itself and had to make the choice, there and then.

She got out of bed and started pacing up and down the room, wringing her hands in despair. She just didn't want to choose, and yet she was now compelled to. Once she had made the choice, she knew that there was no turning back. What it was that guided her choice she never really knew herself. Perhaps it was the unattractiveness of the plain man, or maybe it was the glory that seemed to surround Karl and his family. She knew she could not go to hell - she had to surrender her own terms. She had to yield sovereignty of her life to the Lord and crucify her stubborn will. But even thinking about it evoked visions of excruciating pain. Wasn't she in enough of that already? Could she bear yet more?

Stan had awakened and been led by the Spirit into intercessory prayer. He did not disturb Isabel who was lying beside him. The moment he did, Maria had silenely covenanted with the Lord to accept Karl and his wife, and a great peace descended upon her.

She knelt at the foot of the bed astonished that the inner turmoil had suddenly been lifted like a curtain in a theatre revealing a new scene. She almost dared to be happy but couldn't see how she could be. Yes, she had won a victory of sorts, but was already counting the cost of her sacrifice and not liking it.

It was early evening and she had unknowingly missed supper. Who should she tell first? How should she break the news to Karl? How would Karl react? She knew that he already despised her and felt filthy and unworthy of him. But at least she wasn't at war anymore. Two of the roads were sealed and she had made a sharp right-turn. It was all new, and she was afraid to walk further. It was one thing to change direction, but quite another to continue the journey. Her feet seemed to freeze to the ground, her legs grew heavy. Yes, she was very tired now, weary from the hopeless battle she had been fighting. No, she would go to sleep and face the new road in the morning.