The Strangest Liberal in Town
Esther Vilar, now 89 years old, is the strangest secular liberal you would ever expect to encounter. In her seminal books, The Manipulated Man (1971) and The Polygamous Sex: A Man's Right to the Other Women (1967), which I shall now summarise, she reveals the complete emptiness of feminist pronouncements. Vilar reverses the tenets of feminism, showing the power women hold over men in our society. Using their looks, sexuality, and coyness, they trick men into becoming eternal providers for them while they do no work.
The Enslaved Provider Male
This, she asserts, essentially amounts to slavery for the man. The man has to work his entire life, or he will not survive. On the other hand, the woman has the capability of never working her entire life; of working random, low-intensity part-time jobs; or of getting a 'career' if that is what she deems as fun. The woman has complete power over who has children, due to the invention of the birth control pill. The woman also has a guaranteed financial supporter of her and her children until death - that is called her 'husband'. If a divorce happens, the legal system will back her up and make sure he spends his days earning enough money just to give it all over to her.
Turning Women into Narcissists
However, there is a problem with the provider 'love' that men give to women: it creates an extreme inequality between the two. The woman becomes a child that the man takes care of; the woman is to be pitied. The man thinks her too physically and mentally weak to work a job, so he does it for her. This creates a state of pity for the men, and narcissism for the woman. The woman has complete power over the relationship, and can extract money one way or the other from her adopter-husband. The woman, never giving anything but sex a few times a month, comes to respect the man less and less. He is her servant, he is her slave: how could any sexual attraction be founded upon that?
The Inept, Spoiled Child
The man begins to see his adoptee-wife as a child, and a hopelessly inept and spoiled one at that. Who can have sex with someone so dependent? Thus arises the feelings of prudery and guilt for having sex with such a 'pure' creature. 'I don't want to hurt her, I don't want to trick her' thinks the man (implying her physical weakness and mental stupidity).
Pathway to Stupidity
Men can only find sexual love, eros, with a woman who is at least near to their intellectual equal. Attraction = Sexual Polarity + Intellectual Equality. The most masculine 'alpha' men (hairy bodies, broad shoulders, tall, muscular, bearded, unemotional) are the most attractive to, and most attracted to, the most feminine women (large breasts, wide hips, slim, emotional). Men go for these most attractive women while they can. There is a small problem, however. Because men fawn over women sexually, attractive women never have a challenge in their life, physical or mental. Thus arises their inevitable stupidity, claims Vilar. Meanwhile, other women see this and imitate the most attractive women (in an attempt to get men), becoming stupid likewise.
Compensating with Intellectualism
So now the most attractive women for men are the most stupid. Ugly and unfeminine women, having little favours being given to them due to their subpar looks, often gain in the mental sphere. They gain some culture and a bit of intelligence. They may become equally knowledgeable as the average man. But men, obviously, prefer the attractive woman to the smart one, even if she is dumber than a bag of rocks. (These are Vilar's own words, not mine, so bear with me).
The 'Progressive' Beta-Men
A similar phenomenon happens with men. Men who are highly intelligent tend to be scrawny and unattractive to women. In their natural sphere, they meet with little success. They compensate for this by doubling down on their intellectualism, finding something that they can finally succeed at. They pile up progressive theories and attempt to get women another way: they proclaim that women are 'oppressed'. Overintellectualism having confused them, they gather together half-statistics and cherry-picked examples and then proclaim the 'terrible patriarchy'. The first feminists were not women, but were in fact Marx, Engels, Bebel, and Freud. By proclaiming the oppression of women, it helped them in two ways:
- (1) they get the vote of women and
- (2) they justify in their own minds that they 'deserve' the women because they 'fought' for them.
Coddled into Oppression
Meanwhile, these women are resting at home, not exerting themselves whatsoever, never fighting battles or wars, swimming in their alimony payments, and sexually blackmailing their husbands. No wonder they live longer. Having been coddled their entire life because of their looks, they remain infantile and stupid. What terrible oppression!
Why Western Marriage Has Slowly Died
For men stuck in the husband-adopter situation, attraction has now waned. The provider instinct is fulfilled, but not the instinct for sex. These cannot be combined in the same person because they are contradictory. One treats the other as a child, the other as an equal. Women can handle this, as their children fulfill the provider instinct and their husband the sex instinct. However, men are not fulfilled in this manner. Generally, women use regular sex as bait for a marriage; then marriage occurs and sex wanes or even stops. The man becomes full husband-adopter for his new wife-adoptee. What an incredibly 'desirable' scenario. Would you trade 2/3 of your life earnings and 1/2 of your future earnings for such a deal? Yet that's what men have been doing at least since the Victorian age, if not before. The result in the post-Christian Western world, at any rate, has been the slow death of marriage and near universal promiscuity.
Enter the Mistresses
Armed with such information, no man in his right mind would opt for marriage. Learning his lesson too late, the 'solution' for a Western man is to find a mistress, someone who fulfills his sexual needs as opposed to his provider needs. Does this hurt his woman? Certainly no less than it hurts other men. From time immemorial, high-status/rich men have had multiple women, whereas low-status/poor men have had one or zero women. To just think of a few examples, Johann von Goethe had many mistresses, as did Louis XIV, Edward VIII, James II, and perhaps every other monarch in the world. Why did they have mistresses? To satisfy a sexual instinct that their adoptee-wife could not satisfy as a complete financial dependent. Thus men are the 'polygamous sex'.
Men's Liberation with a Vengeance
So claims Vilar and she is, of course, completely right...from a secular point-of-view. Hardly surprising, then, that 'Women's Liberation' has, with some reluctance at first, been followed by 'Men's Liberation' with a vengeance. They have, I think, yet to learn, though, they - the men - are largely responsible for a dreadful state of affairs in the West. Are you men frustrated by feminism and 'women's liberation'? Are you tired of being manipulated? The problem isn't the women but the men - and according to Vilar this is because they haven't understand how they're being conned.
A Response to the Tyranny of Third-Wave Feminism
Until this decade of the 2020's where men generally aren't just pulling out of the dating scene but are rejecting marriage altogether, men played the game. Vilar's books weren't written by a Christian but by a secular liberal based on simple observation and common sense. She has had, as you would expect, a lot of pushback from the feminists and the woke crowd. Her books are not manuals on male-female relationships but they do explain - for a secular person and with startling clarity - what's going on in the socio-political sphere. In short, her work is about Men's Liberation from the tyranny of third wave feminism.
The Church Has Got to Rethink Marriage
If true biblical marriage is to ever be restored in the messianic community/church, let alone the world, then we must first understand what's going on in the world and break free of its deception. That means that the Church has got to completely rethink marriage and realign itself to righteous biblical patriarchy. One of the problems I have encountered again and again in ministering to Christian and Messianic men who have been drawn to plural marriage is they are drawn for mostly the wrong reasons. The Bible has simply been their license - and excuse - to find sexual satisfaction the Vilar way - by essentially 'taking a mistress (or two)' and justifying themselves by cloaking their behaviour with biblical respectability. The result has been nearly every first wife has left them because they were never first converted away from feminism and to patriarchy.
Why Christian & Messianic Polygamists Have Largely Failed
Many failed attempts have been made by contemporary Christian polygamist men to accomodate the failed cultural rôles that both men and women have grown accustomed to through centuries of programming. This is why I distanced myself completely from the Christian polygamist community in the late 1990's and early 2000's, and after them, the Messianic polygamist community too, for similar reasons. This is why I have emphasised again and again the necessity of a complete separation from what's pejoratively called 'churchianity' and even much 'messianism' because they are too contaminated by the postmodernist culture. The reason the restoration of plural marriage in our time, and up to now, has been such a failure generally is because those eagerly seeking to practice it have tried to fit this way of life into the old wineskins of the depraved Western Culture.
A Poor Example
What we therefore see of Western plural marriage is therefore a very pale and sickly representation of the biblical original. Little wonder it continues to be held in contempt because the example given has, frankly, been terrible. Christian and messianic polygamists have tried to put the cart before the horse and understandably failed. Most have lost their first wives and children because they did not adequately prepare the spiritual ground but were too much in a hurry for sexual release and instead opted for 'mistresses' disguised as 'wives'.
Force vs. Attraction
I am not, of course, saying that all who have entered plural marriage in our day have done this for there are honourable plural families where the proper foundations were put in place in the right sequence. And I am tackling more than the question debated by the Christian polygamists of the turn of the century as to whether the men should force their first wives into the practice (which I vigorously opposed) or draw them by attraction, respecting their agency and (most importantly of all) their monogamy-only marriage covenants (which the bullish men unilaterally and shamefully cast aside as though they were of no heavenly consequence). If your first wife signed up for monogamy by vows those vows must be honoured by the husband unless the wife of her own free will volunatarily, and without pressure, is willing to renegociate them.
Only Liveable in Heaven
The revelation we have progressively received over the decades, which we call Holy Echad Marriage, is completely unlike anything you will find in either the modern Christian or Messianic polygamy communities. Their behaviour led my most recent wife, who has received much revelation of her own about Millennial Plural Marriage, to declare, in exasperation, that it isn't liveable properly except in heaven. And she's right. There's just too much to be unlearned by carnal believers in our time and that takes at least a generation. About the best we can do is provide a 'shadow' model, or the 'next best thing' as apprentices.
Conclusion
Most of my website has been a half-way house between the 'old' (a preparatory New Covenant version) and the millennial because the environment of our wicked world is just too destructive for it to even hope to flourish. And though I know what millennial plural marriage will look like, and in great detail, I have had to mostly keep it to myself. It's a revelation that will be passed on to the Last Generation which they will have access too when they are gathered out of the world and into Cities of Refuge. (See Abraham 12: The Final Revelation for the Millennium). The women in it are intelligent, feminine, passionate and deeply spiritual, unlike Vilar's grotesque worldly women or the corrupted Christian ones, where the men are neither bohemian alpha-male ape-men nor scrawny (or over-weight) beta-males trying to compensate intellectually, but strong, masculine, passionate, enligtened spiritual leaders. And both the men and their wives have hearts of gold, and are echad - one.
Author: SBSK
